Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Tom Washington hates my mom.

I would just like to note that in my very first fantasy football league, I came in 3rd and am quite proud of myself. Because nothing is more important than things that are entirely unimportant.

So I sat down to watch the Nets while I waited for my mom to bring home my sister and dinner. It was only supposed to be temporary, but I have this habit of getting sucked into things that are doomed to end badly....
Did I make a few notes during the game? You betcha.

I was extremely pleased to be listening to Ian Eagle call the game. Fantastic name, super fantastic announcer.

Useful information during the pregame festivities- Sheed makes half-court shots when he's warming up, TJ passes his dad the ball during warm-ups, and Mikki Moore gets the start tonight.

And I don't know who this Nancy Newman is doing pre-game and halftime reports but she's ALL botoxed out. I think. Or just really...weird...lookin....

Cliffy might be back in 2 weeks...isn't he a little old to rush back? I mean, no jokes here, the older the get the longer it takes to recover from these things, no? Either way...this is one gimpy fucking team.

Red jerseys = confusing.

They looked horrible in the first quarter. Just terrible. It seemed like all 5 match-ups on the floor the first few minutes were mismatches. Mismatches, may I add, that were easily exploited by Detroit, most notably Sheed, who had a monster freaking 1st quarter. I can't find the line but it was something ridiculous like 16-4-2-2. Yeeeesh. All I know is the Nets looked absolutely lost on defense, or maybe just confused? I had it pegged for a 40 point blowout after the first 5 min.

Not to get all Bill Simmons on you, but after dinner I settled in to watch the 2nd half w/ my mom. I kind of figured...when do I get the chance to watch a Nets game with someone who has watched a few Nets games, let alone pretty much every game? I can't even find someone to watch a game with me period. Within the first minute, we had this exchange:
Becky: Josh Boone is one ugly motherfucker.
Mom: I was just thinking that.

She's not prim and proper or anything, but my mom is usually pretty polite and normal. So I enjoy when she says things like, "That Rasheed Wallace is a CRAZY motherfucker." I blame myself, I do.

Along the lines of my thinking that TJ is too old to be cute anymore, we quickened our descent into hell by making fun of his full stache a bit...and then every time he was shown on screen we giggled our motherfuckin heads off.

Ian Eagle mentioned the "pained look" Vince has had on his face the last few games. That's the "Wince" look I like to allude to. Where he looks all worried/constipated/sad, trying to get sympathy from the refs or the fans or I don't know who but Vince? It's fucking stupid.

The guys mentioned that Dale Davis has been playing in the league for 16 years. This prompted my mom to mention he has come up in some Nets trade rumors, but she doesn't know anything about him. Which prompted ME to say, "He's been playing for 16 years and you know nothing about him...what does that tell you?" Mom's response: "He's old?"

Marcus Williams and Antoine Wright and Boki didn't get in the game at all. I wonder what the hell Lawrence Frank is doing? He seems to be picking rotations by picking names out of a hat. And only 8 names at that. I just don't get it. Neither does he apparently. Blah.

My mom really loves that fucking Bacardi commercial where everyone is doin "The Mojito." It's really stupid, and she dances every time it comes on. Ugh.

As much as she loves the Mojito, she hates Vince. Literally, she said "I hate him" about 30 times throughout 1 half of a basketball game. Sometimes it's nice not to live at home anymore. Because it's not so much, "I hate him," as, "I HATE HIM!!!" Fun.

As much as my mom hates VC, I hate my sister playing her guitar upstairs really loudly. Cody's + Michael McDonald > my house + sister's guitar music.
Seriously, she's really talented and all but...stop it.

Commercial for Mike & the Mad Dog where random people on the street go "Aaaaaaaaaaaa" like Mad Dog = WORST. COMMERCIAL. EVER. And I REALLY mean that.

My mom commented that Teyshaun looks like Curious George. I called her a racist. She got defensive, because she is not, in fact, a racist. However, I called her one for the rest of the game. I am so lovely.

Not only did my mom explain how much she hates Vince Carter, she also called him an "asshole" who constantly "dances around with the friggin' ball until he gives it up." And apparently she believes very strongly that in crunch time, Vince is likely to do "stupid things over and over and over again." I think she might just be getting bitter as time goes on though because she said how much she thinks Collins sucks. And I have said for YEARS how much Collins sucks, and she always defended him. Now? I say "Man he sucks." She says "Ya think?"

Speaking of Collins, Ian Eagle called him a "scoring machine" when he had 11 points. Sick one. He finished w/ 14. That's huge for him.

This commercial for the
Versus Invitational with the gay (I think?) cowboys really throws me for a loop. No joke here. Just...what the fuck???

When I ended a serious relationship a couple years ago, I joked to my best guy friend (and fellow diehard NBA fan) that I was done with serious relationships and only going for short-lived flings/non-serious endeavors by saying, "10-day contracts only." His response, which I used as an away message for months was, and I quote: "Ha! You're gonna bang a bunch of Eddie House and DerMarr Johnsons!" You can only imagine my excitement when House landed on the Nets.

My mom did have kind words for RJ: "He always makes the right decisions."
Not so fast, Ma.

Speaking of RJ and right decisions, not to revisit this whole bi-rumor-dealie, but I have it on 3rd hand information from someone who works for the NBPA that they "know that RJ is gay and they've been preparing for it and [are] trying to get the timing right for him to announce it." My source has been wrong before. But I'm just sayin.

So Yao is out for a bit, which is sad except for the Nets playing against Houston manana sans Nenad. And when I think about it, I have never met a Rockets fan in my life. I followed them for a bit in the mid-90s for no apparent reason. And I've never been to Texas. It just seems weird though. Dallas and San Anton fans seem to be all over the place, but even in the wide world of blogs I can't really remember hearing from too many Houston fans. Or like...any. Not that I care. It just struck me as odd. Yeahhh I'm rambling.

At some point in the 4th quarter of the game, JKidd was bringing the ball up the court and Ian Eagle mentioned that Larry Frank quickly called a play for him. Then Kidd got double teamed, maybe triple...and threw the ball to Collins a couple feet inside the 3-point line and Collins threw the ball up and actually made the shot...and call me crazy, but I don't think that was the play.

With a few minutes left, Josh Boone fouled out. And he actually had 6 points and 12 boards? Those are like Tyson Chandler numbers. There's hope for the kid yet. My mom and some of the Nets writers have high hopes for him, but anyone I talk to who watched him play in college swears he's a bum who will never amount to anything. I guess we will find out very soon which is true.

At this point, I am fairly certain when Vince drives the lane, he never has the intention of trying to take a shot in the first place. He kind of just careens wildly and hopes someone fouls him.

Why is it that any free throw that touches the rim first requires an announcer to say the player "gets the roll?" Sometimes, it doesn't roll. Sometimes it JUST BOUNCES.

So with something like 30 seconds left on the clock and a 1 point lead, JKidd held the ball for a few seconds to run the clock down a bit...and then just dribbled and launched up an ill-advised jump shot. No plays called (that I know of), no plays run. Clearly he missed, Billups took the ball down the court, got fouled and made both shots, giving the Pistons the lead w/ like 7 seconds left. Soooooo they called a time-out, my mom made fun of Flip Saunders's twitching problem and then predicted a Vince "fuck-up" to end the game.

And then...I mean what the fuck??? I thought it was an offensive foul at first, but after seeing the replay just once I could tell Sheed fucking FLOPPED. So not only WAS there contact in the first place, it caused Sheed to FLOP because of said CONTACT...and ugh. Just, UGH. Just. Fucking. Terrible. And Lawrence Frank agrees, yelling "FUCKING HORRIBLE" as he is physically restrained on his way off the court. And Tom "WWE Ref" Washington just decided who won the game. Fucking fuck. Ian Eagle sums it up nicely by saying, "And it's been that kind of season for the Nets." Freaking fantastic.

In his post-game interview, LFrank is restrained and points out that never in the history of the game have they (the refs) reversed a call. Now I don't know if this is true...and it must be...at least in the case of a non-call? But like...why the fuck not? The refs have notoriously ruined/determined some potentially phenomenal games, especially in recent years. And isn't there ANYTHING Stern can do about it? Some way to hold officials accountable for their calls/non-calls, at least in extreme situations?? Nothing can be done about this? I don't know. It just seems like so many Nets games ALONE have been determined by bad officiating, not to mention the other 29 teams in the league. And with some non-fans claiming the terrible refs are one of the main reasons they DON'T like the NBA...it just seems like something could/should be done, no?? I don't know. I'm fucking ranting.

The sports gods clearly hate me. They dropped A-Job on me, pull painful puppet strings w/ the GMen every week, and the Nets debacle is just the latest "Fuck you, Becky."

Soooooooooooooo yeah. That was fun. At least after the game, the dynamic YES Network showed GMC Trucks Presents: CenterStage: Ice-T. Fannnnntastic.

Monday, December 25, 2006

I'm singing "Hu Hagtol Gavish"

Yeah I'm a STYLIN' JEW alright. But I really have no clue what the F that means.

So this has sort of become my venue to vent about whatever the hell is on my mind, so tonight comes the "lonely Jew on Christmas" rant. At least until I get super frustrated with the mouse on this computer, which works just good enough that I continue to use it and just badly enough that I slam it against the desk every hour or so hoping it will either shatter or start working better.
I sat on my ass all day and watched The Wire and I have to say that halfway through the 3rd season, I don't understand why everyone said season 3 was so much better than season 2....
I thoroughly enjoyed my food made by Asians. Although dinner with my family always gets a little surreal. We all enjoy the roundtable ridicule, but the R-rated insults are starting to get weird. Something about my sister's weird roommate staying in on Halloween to "practice" some such Wiccan strangeness creates enough material without anyone referring to her playing with a black cat, in not so many words. In ANY event, mad props to the Chinamen for remaining open for us on Christmas. What's that? "Chinamen" is not the preferred nomenclature anymore? Asian Americans then. Right on.
I do freaking love going to the movies. I've come to notice that since I love going to the movies, when I date a guy who likewise loves going to the movies, I see every movie I want to, and probably a few that I could very well skip. When I am single and/or dating someone who does not possess a love for the cinema experience, I miss pretty much everything and end up saying a lot of "Man, I wanted to see that!" as I walk through the New Releases aisle of the video store. (As an aside, I spent some time as a self-proclaimed movie snot and literally scoffed at my friends for heading to the New Releases aisle. Now I get legitimately excited when my dad wants to rent Lucky Number Slevin. The universe is laughing at me again.) But coming home from school all these years always means I can count on my parents taking me to a movie if we have time. And I fucking love them for it. But the one thing I don't get is this: my parents are intelligent people. They understand a lot about life, and academically they are clearly above average. But it's like no matter what movie they see, they have to reason through it on the carride home. And half the time they reason it out wrong! There is nothing more frustrating than trying to explain how simple the ending was while listening to them try and reason through all this subtext that just WASN'T THERE. I even had to listen to the whole family try and figure out the hidden meaning behind The Devil Wears Prada last night because they had just watched it on dvd. I hadn't watched it with them, thank GOD, so I just paid extra attention to my menu. Which I didn't mind doing anyway, because I fucking love menus.
Oy. Anyhow. Chinese/Japanese food + movie theater = happy Jews on Christmas.

I will admit to being spoiled on Christmas. Of the last 5 years, I spent the first 3 Christmases with the family of my boyfriend at the time. For those of you scoring at home, that was 3 different families in 3 different years. I never said pimpin was easy. I do love Christmas though, and getting "adopted" for the holiday is one of my favorite things. Something about trees and cookies and xmas music...yeah I admit it, I love it. Especially the tree! For the record though, moms, if your son brings a girl home for Christmas and it's the first time you're meeting her, no matter how much she likes the tree...don't offer to buy her first tree if she converts. As a general rule, we don't like that. Just FYI. I can't imagine why you would be surprised when your husband leaves you though...uhhh hypothetically speaking.
Two years ago my fam flew to Puerto Rico on Christmas. No complaints there.
As for last year, I honestly have no recollection of Christmas except for spending my whole winter break reeling from finding out Senor Fucktard DID fuck Skank Breath 2 months prior and trying to hide the fact that I knew until I knew what to say. I'm sorry, did "allegedly." Ugh. Moving on.
It does amaze me though how some people really view you differently as soon as they find out you're Jewish. It made me act out a little bit last nightat my best friend's house. She adopted me for Christmas so I joined her fam and their friends for the Xmas Eve festivities. And I found myself dropping way more "Well that's what you get for letting a Jew help decorate the tree" jokes than usual. I guess part of it is occasionally being like my dad and feeling the need to be the funny one in the room sometimes. But part of it was just wanting to make the jokes that everyone was thinking anyway. As a general rule, I almost NEVER feel different for being Jewish, since all of my schools have been fairly mixed, religion-wise, my entire life. But occasionally I find myself in a situation where I realize, hey, I'm the only Jew here. Which is funny, because I have surrounded myself with a lot of friends and dated a lot of guys over the years...and the general rule is Goy. Never dated a Jewish guy. Only a couple of my close friends have ever been Jewish. My best friend has called me an Anti Semite Semite. But she's an Anti Asian Asian so it all works out.
I had no point when I started typing so I'm not going to try and wrap one up now. My friend adopted me for Christmas and I fucking love her for it. Seriously, it really rocks getting adopted for the holiday, and much love to anyone who takes in a lonely Jew such as myself and gives her some cookies.

So. I made a point not to watch any sports today because they are fucking depressing me. But I'll be damned if it doesn't make me happy to see Ronny Turiaf's face under "Top Performers" on the dot-com's recap. As if that weren't enough, I turned on the NYJ/Miami game on the car radio post-theater just in time to hear New Mexico enter the game. So I guess I can't quit sports. Dammit though, I keep WANTING to.
E-mail from the Cavalier:
"El Knee du Nenad is not his el Friend!"
Thanks, pal.
Look, I'm not stupid. Some might say I'm too smart for my own good. Of course, by "some," I mean "I," but that is entirely besides the point. Anyway, Nenad was the ONE player the Nets could not afford to lose. Maybe second behind JKidd, but the fact remains that they don't have anyone to replace what he was doing. The big men off the bench left much to be desired to begin with, not to mention Uncle Cliffy is hurt AND old and who the hell else is supposed to step up and fill the freakin lane??? I mean is it time to push Mile Ilic and see what he's made of? They were trying to trade Collins before and clearly couldn't get much, and now they are desperate and...ugh. Does anybody want Jeff McInnis? I think his contract is expiring... Hello? Hello?? Anyway, I actually watched some of the game against the Bucks the other night and turned it off in disgust. Can I watch any of tomorrow night's game? Only time shall tell, my little friends, only time shall tell.

I went to the Giants game yesterday. And I have NOTHING to say on the matter. Tailgating in the cold for 4 hours is way less worth it when your team doesn't win. In fact, I'm pretty surprised the suicide rate in Cleveland isn't much higher.
I will say this- the only other Gmen game I ever went to was last year's extra home game against the Saints. A year made a big difference in terms of the parking lot fodder. September '05 - absolutely NO Katrina jokes. December '06 - ohhh thousands. You stay classy, NJ.
(So as not to sound high and mighty, when the camera crew visited a neighboring tailgate crew and made them sing some "12 Days of Christmas" nonsense like "10 winning seasons," I was the asshole who threw in my own "9 levees breaking," and immediately felt like a horrible person. I blame the mob mentality of the 30 hunting enthusiast rednecks I had joined. I hope hell is nice.)
The Giants can still make the playoffs. Kill me now.

To tie things up and bid adieu on this Jewy Christmas, here's a nice story I learned of in my local newspaper yesterday.
I never get involved in politics. I try never to talk about them if I can help it, as most people are way more informed than me, and even if I do have an opinion, I assume no one wants to hear it, because I sure as fuck don't want to hear theirs. But I would like to point out NY's 19th District's new Congressman-Elect. Because, although I can't find the article on the internet, the newspaper was nice enough to include this here picture in their article, which I recognized instantly as the "gayest album cover of all time," according to a forward I received from my friend awhile back. And I really really love when things like Congress and gay album covers come together in such nice synergy.

Happy holidays everyone :)

Thursday, December 21, 2006


Why do I even bother LOOKING at this stuff, it just gives me a headache and stresses me out more than this last final.......

Just when you fully intend to give up on a team, your friend gets an extra ticket for the game and you start picturing ridiculously absurd scenarios where they can still make the playoffs and thinking, "Hey yeah...that could totally happen!" Kill me.

It's really a problem!

Thanks to super wonderful commenter Dave for the link to a wav file of my FAVORITE CHRISTMAS SONG!
It's only a short clip but it will have to do.

Can't tell one thing from another
I got married to my brooother
Cuz the hat I got for Christmas is too beeeeg

For the record, THIS is my 2nd favorite....
You can hear the whole album HERE!!!

Last full day in the library, give it uuuuuuuuuup suckas.


on the bright side, this box of delicious Oreo O's wasn't gonna eat itself


how is it possible to have a really close friend for years and not realize she is completely co-dependent, emotionally unstable, and 100% batshit insane?

it genuinely hurts me not to be able to help someone when I know they are hurting and I know that I mean so much to them.


I need to be able to drink soon.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Sicker than your mom kickin heron

Holy hell, Boki just POSTERIZED Drew Gooden. LOVE IT! Glad to see him playing again instead of stewing on the bench. He's the fucking man. He also gave Twin one HELL of an ass slap after a sick and-1 on a flagrant by Gooden on Twin.

I freaking love my team on ESPN.

Not too sure about the shot of the kid in the yarmulke on the sidelines in a Melo jersey...at a Nets/Cavs game. I don't have a problem with it. I just don't understand.

Dirk carries his own tupperware off the bus. I wonder what was in it. It looked pretty clean.

I wonder if it is a bad thing that I finished my final tonight a full hour before it was over...and before everyone else in the class. Um, probably? OK, just checking.

I'm kind of sad I can't find my favorite Christmas song anywhere on the internet to listen to for free. I don't think there's a video but I really wish there were. "The hat I got for Christmas is too big...it's nice, but my sombrero is too big...is it raining, is it snowing, I can't see which way I'm going, cuz the hat I got for Christmas is too biiiiiiiig...." Yeah I freaking love that song. Porque such a sombrero grande, Santee Clauuuus? Yeah I need to get out.

Hahahahahahaha..."Collins, with a season high 9 points." Sweeet.

They're so fucking good at blowing leads I am ending this now before I get too angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

roll the dice, every soul's got a price....

So I'm 2 down, 2 to go. The numbers in the library and at school in general are dwindling in a fast fashion. I'm already feeling genuinely annoyed toward the people who are finished/finishing today, and this sentiment is sure to grow, and I think the word I am looking for is "exponentially?" My brain has been playing tricks on me the last week or so though, so who the fuck knows. Basically I have 2 exams left that at this point I don't give a damn about (yes Beavis, this IS a "god damn") and as the next couple days pass, I'm losing all of my allies in misery. HENCETOFORTH...yeah I just don't see myself studying all that hard. Especially Thursday evening when I KNOW everyone will be out celebrating the end of the semester and I will be lonely and exceedingly bitter at school, wishing hateful things on just about everyone and everything. So a hearty "fuck you" to my school's administration, for only allowing make-ups on Fridays and Saturdays and after the actual exam.

While I'm doling out "fuck you"s, here's one to...myself. For being a moron. As usual, I GUESS. Seeeee...I'm STILL w/out any cash money (not to worry, I got plenty ho's to go around...and what is the plural of "ho" anyway?). My test last night ended at 8 (nice surprise since I thought it was a 3 hour doozy) and I felt a strong urge to do something in favor of improving my physical appearance. Anything really, since normally I clock in at about a solid 6...7 on a good day, and the last few weeks have seen a dismal drop into the 3-4 range. Seriously it's getting pretty ugly up in here. But the non-funding severely limited my options. Of course, the genius that I am, I say to myself, "Self, don't you still have sessions left at the tanning salon?" Why yes, yes I do! Soooooo yeah. Yada yada yada, my butt is all burnt and it hurts to sit and I have to be at the library all day. Good times! Needless to say, I don't think Mensa will be calling anytime soon.

I actually really like my best guy friend's girlfriend. She's sweet, she's friendly, she's good to him, she's pretty smart from what I can gather. And he's been my boy since junior high and I always have his back no matter what, but if he's got issues w/ his lady I always try and give honest advice as both a girl and as his friend. (I mean, I take the same approach w/ all my friends, but no need to digress here.) Today though he is really heated and on a rant and I'm just laughing my ass off because it's hysterical and she's being ridiculous. Apparently she stumbled upon one of those PETA propaganda videos, where they show a dog being skinned. I don't know why or how...and I don't ADVOCATE such things obviously. I like doggies! Who doesn't like doggies??? BUT. Haha. She's all upset about the video and apparently now all upset at HIM for NOT being upset. That is what I define as a classic girl moment. And it's hysterical. He even tried to explain to her how he's seen a video of people killing a monkey and eating its brains, so this just doesn't affect him that much. And I have to take some credit here, because I'm the asshole who found Faces of Death in her basement when she was 14 and had to show it to all her friends. And this one kid we used to hang out with got really upset and cried during the monkey scene...and we just tooled on him so much about it that he stopped being friends with us. OK, I'm sure that's not really why, but he's still not our friend anymore and that's still the only memory of our friendship with him that ever comes up in conversation. Apropos of nothing, watching a chicken run around w/out a head is pretty fucking entertaining. Am I a little disturbed? Probably. I'm taking the usual route and blaming law school. And it might work too, because a friend of mine, from law school, just told me this story: he was at this chicks crib last night who he bangs out on occasion; they are lying around after and talking and it comes up that her sister passed away a few years ago suddenly, due to some complicaton re: The Pill. His mind immediately makes a list: a) no way is she on birth contol if it killed her sister; b) she is her parents only offspring now and she is almost thirty; c) ....I gotta get out of here. I fucking love my friends. I can always count on them to be way more twisted than me.

Fucking Sports Guy actually was right on w/ most of his assessments on the "brawl" in MSG in his chat yesterday. Color me surprised. It WAS bullshit that Melo got the biggest suspension out of everyone. And ridiculous that Isiah went w/out suspension/fine, unless it's f'sho that he's fired w/in the week. How is what he did any different than what John Chaney pulled at Temple a couple years ago? And Chaney suspended himself for the rest of the season and the postseason...and that was in COLLEGE. These are supposed to be professionals. (Insert your own "Knicks < professional" joke here.) It's just kinda wack. And no matter what beef Karl might have w/ Thomas, he can play whoever he wants at the end of a game. Maybe there was some subtext there, but there was over a minute left, his team HAS blown leads late in games, and back to them being professionals? WHY would any team "surrender" w/ ANY time left in a game? You're pro athletes. Play the fucking game out. Even IF it was in immature thing to do and aimed to piss Isiah off...the type of foul that Mardy put on JR was dangerous. You can seriously damage someone's spine pulling them down from behind like that. I'm not a DOCTOR or anything, but it's definitely dangerous and if I were a Nug I would have felt like decking the guy too. Just a classless move by Isiah. And watching his interview postgame the other night he just seems to be completely unaware of his surroundings. Just surreally oblivious to what just happened (namely, the fighting) and talking in circles about how the Knicks were victimized after their "surrender." All w/ this weird little half smirk...I don't know but I think he might be literally insane. The other thing Simmons was right on about was the utter insanity that is Nate Robinson. He even mentioned the story about Nate attacking Malik Rose in the shower last year, only he forgot to mention that it was over an unpaid bet on a video game, if memory serves me (note: it most certainly may not). He is one crazy little man...my mom despises him, calls him a "thug" and everything. And my mother LOVES the NBA and has never used the word "thug" just to describe a black dude w/ an attitude. She literally thinks Nate Robinson is criminally insane, and after the other night, she might be right on. Good eye, ma. While I'm bringing race into this...I mean yeah. Like I alluded to the other day, this type of shit happens on a baseball field and gets way more out of control, and it's not that big a deal. Some of those baseball brawls get CRAZY. You've got catchers punching each other in the face at the plate, and it's not a "black eye on the game." Nah, all this supposed "black eye on the game" crap the media keeps throwing on the NBA after this is actually more a case of "black GUY in the game." Terrible pun, but come on man. Enough. This was nothing like what happened in Auburn Hills, so stop trying to MAKE it like that. Why? Because Becky says so, THAT'S why.
People much smarter than me put say it much more eloquently.

In decidedly NOT good news, RJ has "floating fragments" in his ankle. Argh.

In news that matters not to me for the moment but is very much a concern for some around here, the final approval for Bruce Ratner's Atlantic Yards project seems to be delayed further. No word on what that means for a timetable for the Nets move to BK, but I'm guessing "not any time soon" is a safe bet.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh time to start studying.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Damn the man.

The fucking man, always trying to keep a good dude down.

Most likely arranged by the Pistons, in fear of Mikki and the mighty Nets.


We are in serious danger of flunking most heinously tomorrow....

even on GameChannel I can tell Eli sucks ass.
even on GameChannel this team is pissing me off and stressing me out. why are they so lame in the red zone? always always always.
yeah I gotta check it out in the student lounge in a few but luckily I am staying in the libe so they cannot drive me to drink. I learned that doesn't work out well for studying when I took an hour break for 1 drink to destress and check out MAYBE a quarter or so of the Carolina game...only it turned into a 5+ hour break and I ended up mildly shitfaced. left all my stuff in the libe, and when I returned and tried to study some more...well it didn't go well, to say the least.
so coffee only and if they lose, well fuck them because I can't be too angry when I have an entire semester's worth of material to learn in less than 24 hours.

my complete lack of funds has led me to finally draw a conclusion I had been stalling on...the crunch Cheez Doodles? are FAR superior than the puffy ones. I always thought I was apathetic, but...well crunchy are just a force to be reckoned with. no vending machine snack food compares. I wonder if Stephen A. agrees....

withholding full thoughts on the "brawl" at MSG until fines/suspensions are given out. however,speaking as someone who spent a good portion of time reviewing tapes of in-game actions that resulted in discipline to players in another of the major sports, including many bench-clearing brawls, as well as the fines/suspensions that followed...well, this just ain't that big a deal. there are other subtextual issues though. another time. for now, study study hate Eli study study study.

just when I'm out, they pull me back in...and then break my fucking heart like I knew they would do in the first place, in ways that I predict right before they fucking do it.

Update #2:
Cheetos are 100x better than Wise Cheez Doodles.

Thursday, December 14, 2006


Because I know EVERYONE was dying to know how the first final went. And of course by "everyone" I mean "that one guy who might stalk me if there's like a whole day where he has nothing to do and there's nothing else to really read."

So yeah, #1 fully sucked ass. Closed book exams should be prohibited in law school. At least in your 3rd year when every other final you've taken has been open book of some sort. Seriously, I had no idea how to study for/take a closed book exam anymore. Even when I took tests like that in college, they weren't the types of things I actually studied for. Sooooooooo...yeah. 1 down, 3 to go. Ugh.

I managed to get through the test w/out any type of girl breakdown. Of course somehow that meant I would end up hysterically crying in front of everyone in CVS a few hours later. Me? A nightmare? Nooooooooo.
OK, fine. Listen to what an a-hole I am. I needed to buy some essentials (soap, shampoo, Drano, etc. and Potion 9 which I consider to be an absolute necessity) so I head over to CVS and pick up these things...only I have this stupid little habit of compulsively buying lip gloss. Not expensive stuff mind you, but ones that are shiny or sound like they will taste good...it's a stupid habit and it's not going anywhere and it's never harmed me in any way so I've never tried to curb it. Sooo I pick up a couple of those...and some other stuff (I have an affinity for eye shadows too...ugh) and get a bit carried away and run up a bit of a tab and go to pay and what not annnnnd...yeah I'm a complete a-hole. I lost my debit card over a week ago and had to cancel it and the new one should have been here by now but it's not...oh and OBVIOUSLY I found it RIGHT AFTER I CANCELLED IT. Because...right, a-hole, me. Then I didn't realize that my CREDIT card expired 2 weeks ago. Soooooooo yeah. Crying. CVS. Good times. Daddy to the rescue though. And on the bright side, now I have no way of being talked into making a cameo at my friend's xmas party tomorrow night...I really wanted to go though. :( But I do need to study, so for the best...boo.

Why are there fireworks outside my window?

So I had to buy Drano because our tub has been a slow drainer for what seems like ages now...and I was the last one to unclog the drain...and...OK, I'm not sure how to put this, but my roommate can't figure out how to use the stuff. I love the girl to death, she's so sweet and a great roommate. But...seriously, she has bought Drano literally 5 times over the past couple months and hasn't figured out the intricacies of the product or something. I see the full bottle on the counter, then empty in the trash the next, and the drain...still clogged! I mean I know the stuff works, I've used it myself! So yeah it baffles me but not enough to continue to stand in ankle-deep water while I shower.

Another note from my foray into CVS...Britney has a lot of nerve charging $30/ounce for her perfume. I mean yes I own a bottle and use it every day because it smells kind of like cupcakes, but...come on. That first bottle was a gift and it shouldn't have to cost so much to maintain a goddamn cupcake scent. And I realize this is a stupid argument that actually has no grounding but I'm venting because I FEEL like it dammit. YEAH.

While I'm venting, a little annoyance-laden shout-out to my friend Spilly. Spilly, I know you're not reading this but maybe you can get this message telepathically. I do not want to hear about your bowel movements in such excruciating detail. I simply do not. Although you regularly share too much information with me about your pooping habits, it has served as mild amusement as a general rule. But babes? During finals, you take this too far. Please stop. I am begging you. Thank you, that is all.

Been keeping an eye on the Nets from the student lounge. They look better...? My mom sent me this link the other day though along w/ a "Do you think the gay rumors are the cause?" note. I love my mom.

Whatever happened to Maxi Priest?

And whatever happened to those Keebler cookies that were like...sugar cookies with deliciously gooey chocolate in the middle? Those things rocked my socks but I am fairly certain they have completely disappeared from everyone's recollection. And I'm not talking like Tater Skins, which you CAN find online and order in bulk (my soph year boyfriend was VERY lucky indeed) but literally NO ONE remembers these cookies and I still have mini food fantasies about them. I'm pretty sure I'm not delusionally insane yet soooooo...man where ARE they???

Barry Melrose all of a sudden looks legit. I mean I don't know very much about hockey to know if he knows what he's talking about or not, but...now he's got the facial hair and actually looks kind of badass and suave and intelligent. Whereas before he was just rocking a cheesy hairdo and making me giggle while I watched SC in the mornings before work.

One final measty thumbs-up to the guy on the corner outside my school today. I could hear his street musician melody up in the classroom during my exam. Rhythm and melody and good things. Being the easygoing and laid back gal I am I was happy to hear it. I also like music while I study, so music while I take a test isn't so bad. But man, I can imagine some kids being MAD. You might want to do something about that, school administration. Oh, what's that? You're entirely incompetent? My bad, of course I knew that. Anyway, the fun thing about Mr. Street Musician that I learned when I walked past him after the test? He was playing a keyboard guitar. Rock the fuck ON.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

I got soul but I'm not a soldier.

So my stay in the library from 9-7 yesterday made me lose my goddamn mind. I was seriously flipping out, but not in a "hey I'm really stressed" way but more of a "wow the things in my brain no longer resemble actual thoughts" way.
No seriously, I had this whole thing going where all words that started w/ "n" would get a "k" in front of them for like a hard "k" sound and it was really a great idea. Except not so much. Then the word "k'nish" occurred to me and I nearly had a breakdown. Not really, but...you get the idea. So a little change in scenery today, giving the "big study room w/ a friend or 2" idea a spin. Because seriously I was about to jump off the big bridge yesterday. Well, hypothetically, as it is far too cold and I am far too lazy to actually walk there.

One thing that helps is listening to music. I have about 1800 songs on my ipod so it's a pretty eclectic mix. Certain songs provide little pick-me-ups along the way. My life is very sad. But if hearing "My Girlfriend's Dead" keeps me off the pipe, then so be it.

As if I weren't fake suicidal enough, I benched JR Smith on my roto team last night. Needless to say, "foresight" is not a gift of mine.

I am in dire need of a manicure and a good night's sleep and a series of drinks. Clearly not in that order.... 13 days left of this nightmare too. Ugh. I've heard of people getting massages/facials during finals to relieve some stress. That seems egregious. To be fair, I have never had a facial. I don't think I ever will either. I think the rule is: if you see porn before you get one, you will never be able to walk into a spa/salon/wherever and say "Yes I'd like a facial please." Well...maybe I could, but I'd giggle my motherfucking head off. There's always the problem of not being a jappy girl though. Oh well.

It should be a criminal offense to play the music they play in Starbucks.
Along those lines, if you have ever bought a cd at Starbucks, kindly stay as far away from me as humanly possible.

Time to start studying...sanity level on steep dropoff alert.

Friday, December 08, 2006

2 OTs and more procrastination...

2 posts from me in less than 12 hours. How lucky for...YOU!

The recipient of the jerkoff law student of the day award is...well, no names will be used, but YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
When there are 10 people in the student lounge trying to watch the end of a (close) basketball game and you are the 1 dipshit who wants to watch CSI, fucking DEAL. Hey, you know what? There was a show I wanted to watch tonight too. I set my VCR (primitive yes, but effective) and guess what? I got to see it when I got home. Live action sports though? I'm not setting my VCR bc if I want to watch it I need to watch it right then and there. Even in the alternative that this logic is flawed, there are still 10 people wanting one thing and 1 person wanting the other. I'm sorry, but "I was here first" is not a winner. There is 1 TV for everyone in the school. It's a long fucking finals period. Don't be a douche. Have a little courtesy and realize that majority rules. And seriously...if the show is so important to you, record it or have someone record it for you. It's not like you didn't know it was scheduled to be on before you left for the library today. The rest of us? We didn't know the Nets and Suns would be tied at 125 w/ less than a minute left. Prick. And you wanna have a little hissy fit when we don't get back to frickin CSI quickly enough after commercial? Really? Here's a hissy fit for you: go fuck yourself.
Sadly I'm too polite to share these feelings word for word. Much love to my loud-mouthed little friend who was not, in fact, too polite. In fact I think he dropped a c-bomb on the way out of the lounge....
It's a moot point anyway. Hooray hooray, the revered show ended at 10 and we were able to catch both OTs. (1 perk of being at school all the time...YES Network!)
Big Bro thought it was silly of Larry the Frank to foul w/ over 5 seconds left in regulation. But if the MVP can make that 3 w/ no time left, it's irrelevant. And he can. And boy did he. I am constantly reminded of why we call him "Nasty Nash," because DAAAAAAMN.
It of course helped that at that point in the game, JKidd's legs were more or less about as useful as those of Jason Street. (What...too soon?) But anyway. I found it MIGHTY encouraging that they hung in that game all the way to the bitter end and easily could have won if not for our all-star point guard DRIBBLING THE BALL OFF HIS FOOT. Sigh. This early in the season though you just have to laugh at losing a game like that...I mean...really??? That just happened? Argh. RJ looked great though. Mikki Moore even looked like he can contribute for realz here and there. I mean missing 99% of regulation prevents me from giving a full assessment. But I was encouraged by what I saw in the OTs. The team can hang. I've been kind of out of it the past week so I can't really say what the major problems are, but...I have to assume they are fixable bc it's a good roster. If they can deal Collins like the rumors have been implying is a possibility...well. Let's do it. That is all.

Post script:
I missed Senor D-Bag for the first time tonight. And I guess it's not him personally that I miss so much as it is having someone during this time when I cannot have a social life, so I have someone to at least clown around w/ a little in the hours b/w library and sleep. Not to mention dinner breaks (quickie breaks?), someone to get a study room with, someone to get 1 or 2 drinks with after a long day, someone to walk home with (can't really be strolling through BK at 2 a.m. when the libe closes), etc. Granted I don't miss catching him doing shady shit in the midst of all this, but...well look, I'm blogging to vent. I used to not have to do that.

Brett Edwards over at AOL's NBA Fanhouse breaks it down a little better than I did, even if he does hate on my boys.
By the way, the Fanhouse is some of the most brilliant shit I've ever read, and the bloggers they've got covering the NBA are doing an even better job than the NFL guys were, if that's even possible....

And just for fun:
Zaza Pachulia brings the STYLE.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

So much for getting a ton of studying done today. Obviously I have to weigh in on the issue of the day (for me anyway).
Via Deadspin comes this link.

I need to preface by saying I have been waiting for something like this to happen for quite some time. Just by the law of percentages, there have to be a significant number of homosexuals in professional sports. That's just the way it is. Just think about how many people from your high school or college came out of the closet over the years...you can't rule anyone out automatically because years later you'll be surprised. Through no fault of anyone's, you make assumptions one way or the other and end up being wrong sometimes. It's just the way it goes. Even a few weeks ago I learned a friend of mine from college was out and was pretty surprised; he banged half the girls I knew up there. I'm rambling of course...but the point is that stereotypes can be complete bullshit. So you cannot assume that since a dude has all the traits of a straight guy that he is, in fact, straight. Who was the guy on the Real World, Nehemiah? Maybe I'm confusing him w/ someone from another season because the show's gone to complete shit the last few seasons and I can't be bothered to pay much attention anymore, but not one stereotypical "gay" trait, right?
As a big fan of Playmakers (I am still mad at you, NFL, for taking that awesome show away from us), I always think of the Guerwitcz story arc whenever this topic comes up now. And while the show was incredibly dramatic and probably showed the worst case scenario, all of the stuff that happened to poor Thad could potentially happen to an athlete who comes out of the closet. There will be backlash from fans, and likely opposing players. Hopefully the locker room culture on that player's team would allow for minimal abuse from teammates, and in this day and age I would sincerely hope no owner or GM could/would go all Wilbanks on him.

Anyway. That all being said? Internet rumors are now flying that Richard Jefferson is gay, or bisexual.
The post gives these hints:

The NBA player, who is African American, has been linked to a number of women in the past - all of whom are Caucasian. He is also known for enjoying the night life with his teammates and good friend Tyson Beckford.
They seem to not-so-subtly be referring to RJ. Everyone is well aware that RJ loves hitting up NYC clubs and having hot model girlfriends (is she even white?) and not-so-hot groupie encounters. And my friend found this (on Nick Carter's message board no less!):
The lovebirds [Carter and Paris Hilton], however, made up and walked back into P. Diddy's after-party, which was attended by Diddy's mom, Janice Combs, boxing heavyweight Lennox Lewis, singer Ashanti, actor LL Cool J, model Lauren Hutton, designer Zac Posen, model Tyson Beckford and the Nets' Richard Jefferson.
And via Deadspin commenter BigSteve comes this:

The locker-room truth, as told by Richard Jefferson of the New Jersey Nets, is that athletes shower and dress in communal spaces and that many would feel uneasy about doing so in front of a gay teammate.

The first openly gay male athlete will have to be a respected superstar, Jefferson said, likening it to Magic Johnson announcing that he had contracted the virus that causes AIDS. If there's an athlete thinking about coming out, Jefferson offered this how-to:

"You would have to approach your teammates and be like, 'Look, this is who I am. I don't like any of you. I'm not trying to pick up on any of you,' " he said. "Would it make people feel uncomfortable? Of course it would."
The obvious thing to point out is that these are unsubstantiated rumors from a potentially unreliable source. I would hate to be aiding the spread of anything false.
So let's speak in hypotheticals.

HYPOTHETICALLY, if RJ were gay, I would be absolutely giddy.
As a disclaimer here, I will admit to being a rather staunch supporter of gay rights, having someone extremely close to me being very much out and very much a champion of the cause. So if anything I say is offensive, I assure that is not my intent and I apologize ahead of time.
As I already said, I have no doubt that there are probably dozens of gay men in the NBA, NFL, and MLB (probably NHL and MLS and all the other sports too, I just don't happen to follow them). And it is going to be EXTREMELY difficult for the first "out" athlete. There have been several players that have come out well after their retirement (no names are coming to me right now, probably because my brain is fried...yeah fuck you, law school). But there is a general consensus that the first openly gay professional athlete is going to endure much worse than even the first guys that crossed the color barrier. Homophobics hate w/ as much passion as racists, and even seem to take homosexuality personally. And it is going to take one HELL of a strong man to cross this line.
I adore RJ and would absolutely love for it to be him. Unsubstantiated rumors be damned- a girl can always dream.
The converse of this of course, is that whoever takes that first step will be absolutely HERALDED by the gay community. Think Jackie Robinson for African Americans, times 1,000. In this day and age, the media is omnipresent and the internet is pervasive. If one provocative photo spread can make Brady Quinn an icon of the gay community...imagine what an actual openly gay athlete would mean? Especially one of RJ's caliber. While it is true that RJ does not have the exposure that someone like LBJ does, he is still a star on a (knock on wood) perennial playoff team. From what I have seen, the homosexual community follows its heroes persistently and loyally. This means that whoever the first gay pro athlete is will have 2 crosses to bear: standing up for himself vs. all the haters, plus representing the gay community as its likely poster boy in the ongoing civil rights movement. That is a lot of pressure to put on a guy, especially considering all the pressures pro athletes deal with on a daily basis anyway.
In any event, I have been saying for awhile (here's another shout out of my Queer TV class in college) that this will happen sooner rather than later. And I think it will be a GOOD thing. It's the freaking 21st century, ya know? I know as a nation collectively we are not above hate crimes, and that is sad and completely ludicrous. But if everyone is too afraid to take a big step, it's not going to get any better. At the risk of sounding preachy, as far as African Americans have come, there is still a perverse amount of racism coming from ALL areas of the country. There is never a "good" time for a group to take risks for their civil rights. So why not now?

As an aside...why is it that when girls are "bisexual" they're considered "curious," but ultimately straight...but when it's a bi dude, he's "totally gay...just fighting it" ? Or even that a bi chick is genuinely interested in both sexes, but a guy cannot be. I'm not a feminist by any means, BELIEVE me. But this just seems ridiculous. I know you can chalk it all up to society and blah blah blah but guess what? It's stupid. If I know a guy who's bisexual, then dammit, he's bisexual. Stop telling me he's just a half-closeted homo. That's ignorant.
(And I have my theories as to why "society" is more comfortable w/ lesbians than gay men- it has to do w/ the general unease most people have w/ the way gay men have sex vs. the way gay women do. I'm not trying to open up any discussion on the matter though...just thought I'd throw it out there.)

Anyhow. This post is probably making me sound like a left wing tree hugger, but I would like to assure everyone that is certainly not the case...I can be pretty conservative on some issues. Just not this one.

Let's make the leap, RJ...

...hypothetically speaking.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Silver lining

So I have been a complete misery to be around these last few days. Which means I have more or less been hiding out. Which means I have absolutely nothing positive to share. Friday I went straight from my last day of work for awhile (which ended up being really busy right about when I was going to leave) to the library, where I stayed until after 11 attempting to get a good start on my paper. All that culminated in was a few slides for my presentation. Saturday I was at the library from 12-10 and all I had to show for that was a pretty Power Point presentation and about 3 pages of the paper. I went home and proceeded to stay in and sort of work on the paper until I had 6 pages at around 3 a.m., at which time I received a drunk "I'm on my way back now, order some cheese fries now" dial from my lovely neighbor downstairs who considers me his bitch, justifiably I may add, considering I did, in fact, call up the diner and place the order. Sunday I could not bear to go to the library and attempted to write the remaining 14 pages from my couch. I could care less about the Jets and my spot in the playoffs in my FFL was locked up a week ago so I put the games on mute and attempted to do the same w/ the GMen...and then those a-holes had to make a game of it, forcing me to turn the sound on and pay attention to the 2nd half and then break my damn heart again. So even if Mr. Weinke happens to be the opposing QB this Sunday, I am sticking to my vow of remaining in the library and checking in on the Boys in Blue periodically in the student lounge. They don't deserve anything else. Kiwi made a completely unnecessary boneheaded move for the second straight week and I think Coughlin probably made him cry sometime in the last few days. If anyone on that team is even listening to Coughlin at all, that is, as opposed to engaging in their own little "Did I leave the iron on?" thought bubbles while he rants and raves like a parent in a Peanuts cartoon. Of course with Shockey it's probably more along the lines of "Why hasn't anyone asked me to the dance yet?" seeing as how his sideline histrionics have taken on the appearance of that of a teenage girl. All drama, no filler. I don't have anything to say on the contrived Strahan drama of last week...it's old news and his career is as good as done anyway. Stupid fucking Giants. Even Jeff Garcia pulls off a win on Monday night and if Jeff Garcia leads a team to a better record than this team, then...then it will be a sad sad day, and I will come up with an appropriate anti-celebration then. To make things just a bit better, I came down with the cold to end all colds on Sunday and really have not stopped sneezing/snotting all over myself since. Between working until 2 a.m. Sunday night and spending all day Monday in the library, I finally finished up with exactly 20 pages and a fine looking presentation. And at 10 p.m. Monday night I finally put an end to the misery that was the worst class I have ever taken ever. I have spent the last 2 days alternating between my bed and class and really nothing has gotten any better. In all honesty I have to spend the next 15 days straight in the library studying for 4 finals and it really makes me unhappy.
But today, my outlook has changed. I love my school. Why is that? One simple reason:
Free Chipotle Day.
Fuck yeah, things are looking up.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Scoop Jackson is a hack AND an ass hat.

I'm just going to go right ahead and link:

I touched on this briefly yesterday when I called Scoop Jackson a "hack" and a "bojangler," both of which are things he is commonly referred to as by many many others.
Basically, he has completely ripped off my dear friend The Cavalier and made a sad half-assed attempt to make it right by throwing out some bullshit "credit."
Scoop? Yeah, um...in the legal industry, we refer to this as "copyright infringement."
You want to be a no-talent ass clown, you go right ahead. Don't steal ideas (copyrighted ideas!) from someone who is actually talented, FUCK IT UP by completely ruining the joke w/ your complete lack of humor, and then try and pass the idea off as your own. That was cute too, throwing in the little edit this morning to try to cover your ass.
Scoops, I stopped reading your columns regularly after about 5, because they were awful. The ones I still happen to read are ones pointed out to me for their sheer awfulness. I did not like your columns before, but still thought maybe you were a cool guy who was just too caught up in his "style." Now, however, I know you are an ass. I just allied myself w/ Whitlock.
Stop reading the Yay. We don't want you around there.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Quitters never win (but sometimes lazy people do). And Scoop Jackson is a hack.

I walked past the bar before and almost walked in to watch the Bengals/Ravens game. But I persevered. I went and got my food and came home and baked brownies. Yes I am a sports fan, but I am a wiz in the kitchen as well.

I will confess, I monitored Pistons/Heat while I was baking, and I am watching a bit of Lakers/Jazz. If it makes anyone feel better though, I really have no idea what a 1-2-2 zone looks like.

Does Luke Walton have a new tat? I am DIGGING his new 'do. I would totally do him now. (See? Sports fans can be girly too.)

OK so about that...
This all coincided w/ a little discussion over at KSK earlier, so I wanted to expand a bit on where I'm coming from here.

I'll be honest, I never had any intention of really quitting watching sports. I just LIKE them. I'm pretty disgruntled w/ the GMen though (almost as disgruntled as they are w/ each other apparently...) and the Nets are either the best bad team out there or the worst good team. Until I figure out which I'm going to need to watch them sparingly. In all honesty though, it's really just that I can't be sitting in a bar watching bball when I have a paper/presentation due on Monday and 4 finals starting 1 week later. Even so though, if I'm writing my paper at the last minute on Sunday (which is more than likely) I will still end up in the student lounge every 15 min or so checking up on the Bumbling Big Blue.
I guess the advice though is not to talk about sports so much around a guy you just met and are interested in. Which may or may not have something to it. It really depends on the guy.
I've had my experience w/ the whole range of this situation:
Junior year of college I dated a total non-sports fan. I was constantly accused of emasculating him but he didn't really care. To him, history and politics were the most important thing in the world, and sports were trivial. He played a lot of Madden, but that was the only thing remotely even close. I mean he would be playing Madden on Sunday and I would be like, helloooooo there are ACTUAL GAMES GOING ON. We went to FL together for spring break and while we were getting ready to go out, we had a little remote control war, where he would leave the room and I would turn on the NCAA Tournament (it was the Sweet 16!) and when I would leave the room he would turn on CNN. Granted we were about to invade Iraq, but...Sweet 16!!! Anyway, he didn't care that I knew about sports and he didn't. He really didn't care at all.
The guy I dated senior year of college was a big sports fan. And he did hate that I was into sports too. Once he openly chastised me for saying "K-Mart is so nasty," back when he was. But he knew way more about sports than I did. He just didn't like the idea of a girl being so into it. He would start these little fights during games, about a call or something like that, just to start them. He made me cry over the "Was Jason Collins' foul on Tim Thomas intentional?" issue he got so mean about it. He would constantly quiz me about where players went to college and what college's mascots were. He knew a lot more about sports than I did, and that was fine, and I never tried to show him up. He really hated when I beat him in sports trivia on the MegaTouch though. (As a side note, I'm a fucking CHAMP at the naked lady game, or PhotoHunt for the uneducated.) But when I beat him it was due to luck, and he knew it, but it still killed him. He didn't like dating a girl that liked sports and he was ultra ultra competitive with EVERYTHING so that was kind of just...the way it was.
The conceded Worst Person in the World, who I shall only refer to as Senor Douchebag (he referred to himself in the 3rd person as Senor Sexy Pants and Senor Pimp Juice and was totally serious....my version is way more accurate) was a sports fan. He was really into the NBA and the NFL but not so much baseball. I was much more into baseball than him, and prob wasted a couple Yankee tickets on him...but bless his heart, he was WONDERFUL in regards to the theme of this post. He didn't care one way or the other that I liked sports. Half of our relationship revolved around sending links to sports articles/columns to one another and we just sat around watching football on Sundays, and sometimes I knew more than him about something but it didn't matter at all. To be fair he make sure to be dominant and abusive in every other aspect of my life, but the sports thing...he was perfect with. So here's to you, Senor Douchebag, I am actually saying something nice about you. If/when I ever write about you again, you can't say I haven't been fair.

Annnnyway. I'm not going to stop watching sports to make boys like me. I might curb how much I talk about them at first though. It's too easy to fall into the "friend zone" I guess. When I asked this guy about this whole subject the other day he told me that he likes girls that like sports but if they are insane about it, that's a turn-off, citing a girl he liked that memorized the stats of all the Yankees every year who he stopped liking. He and I have hooked up sporadically and he said it was not an issue w/ me bc everything I had to say he was interested in (I send him links sometimes). But I pointed out that hey, we are just friends w/ benefits. He's not interested in me. Maybe if I hadn't been all "let's talk about the NBA whenever you come over" we wouldn't have the type of thing where we watch the end of a game and then hook up. I'm not really into him romantically anyway, but it's the principle of the thing. So the next time I meet a boy I like I am going to be cautious about saying how nasty Dwight Howard is. (He is a freaking beast though.)

I've never watched/talked about sports to impress a guy. I mostly watch games alone. This has even caused me to drink alone (thanks again, GMen) which I'm pretty sure makes me an alcoholic. It's not like I say to myself, "Hey, if I talk about sports he will think I am SO COOL and REALLY DIG ME." It just so happens that I literally read sports blogs/stories all day long, so it's a big part of my conversational matter. With friends, family, etc. If I had a dime for every time I tried to teach a girl friend about sports so I could have a conversation with them about it...well I'd have a few bucks but it still would have been futile.

I'm not great at being a girl. The subject of engagement rings has come up a few times in the last month or so and I'll be honest. I don't know a THING about cut or clarity or setting. And I only learned TODAY that those are what that stuff is called. Some girl was telling me about the ring she wanted (note: she is single) and asked me what kind of ring I wanted and all I could come up with was, "I'm really in the mood for a doughnut actually...."
But I am not a total tomboy. I like cooking and shopping and The OC and cute underwear.
It's a weird little dichotomy. But it's me and I can't really help it.

I changed my mind on Luke Walton.

In other news, Scoop Jackson is a hack. I mean we always knew he was a moron and a terrible writer (and BOJANGLER!), but now he is a hack as well.
And I will NOT link to a Scoop Jackson "column." If you're not reading the Yay! and actually want to read anything written by Scoop...well just go away. Seriously.

And to put on my girl hat as a post script...I wrote a paper for my Queer TV class (who else misses college???) about the HoYay (that's internet slang for "Homoeroticism, Yay!") on The OC, and I have to say that I thought the insomnia scene in tonight's episode was going to go in a COMPLETELY different direction.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

I quit sports.

So I was going to go to the bar tonight to watch the Nets because I feel they have not won since the last time I did that...but I'm not feeling well. Oh...and I quit watching sports. Between the Nets dropping 6 straight and the professional football team from NY whose name I refuse to mention that wears the color blue...I'm done. I'm off. I'm officially quitting cold turkey. Also, Monday night my newly appointed Dating Guru informed me that hey, guys don't actually LIKE girls that like sports. They want to "teach" girls about sports and feel like it's "their" thing and yada yada.

Let me digress for a moment. Totally coincidentally, last night I watched My Boys on TBS. While I was aware the main character may share certain traits with myself, the sole reason I watched the show was the brilliant Jim Gaffigan. My assessment: the show blows. I didn't so much as crack a smile, let alone a giggle or guffaw. There was not one single funny joke in the show. It was like they said, "Jokes? We don't need jokes! The premise itself will absolutely CARRY this show. A girl who likes sports! It's so zany!!!" Ugh. And then they waste the talent of the brilliant Jim Gaffigan by writing some hackneyed "whipped husband" role for him where the idea of a funny joke was one of the other characters asking him, "Do you miss your balls?" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG THAT IS SOOOOOOOO FUNNY I'VE NEVER HEARD ANY JOKES LIKE THAT HAHAHAHA HE'S WHIPPED IT'S SO FUNNY SO THEY PRETEND LIKE HIS WIFE HAS HIS BALLS BUT THEY ARE TOTALLY JOKING AND THAT'S THEIR GROUP DYNAMIC HAHAHAHAHAHA SO FUNNY!!!!!!
Anyway. I won't be watching this show again. Unless TBS hires new, funny writers. And utilizes the brilliant Jim Gaffigan in a way that his comedic genius deserves.

Anyhow, back to the point. Or a point. I don't really know.
I realize I have been going about this whole "dating" thing all wrong, in various ways and to differing degrees, ever since I broke up w/ the fantastic guy I dated in college. (If he was so fantastic, why did I break up with him? Long story short, I was not ready to deal w/ all the bullshit that came from his family, so I sabotaged things a little bit. He's a great guy, and I hope things go really well for him.) Over the last 2 years, I have screwed things up w/ a few guys. This has been partially due to the fact that I forget I'm not in college anymore. In undergrad it was totally normal to form healthy and long-lasting relationships out of a couple months of meeting up drunk at the end of the night. Some of these relationships still exist to this day. So w/ the dorm environment I live in and the drinking 5 nights a week and hanging out w/ so many people that act like they are still in college too, it's tough to remember sometimes that we are supposed to be playing by a whole different set of rules than those that applied just a few years ago. Which brings me to the main problem I have. I don't play games. It's not that I'm mature (I am most certainly not). And it's only partially that I have little patience for it. I'm actually a pretty patient person, when it comes to boys in which I am interested. I have very low bullshit tolerance for my friends, but am exceedingly lenient when it comes to the objects of my affections. (Hencetoforth I dated the conceded Worst Person in the World on and off last year. That's a whole separate post.) It's really just that I'm stupid. I don't realize it's a type of "game" boys and girls play where one must posture and feign and all that good stuff. I just go, "Well I like him and I think he likes me so I'll (answer the phone, hang out w/ him the first time he asks, text him to meet up, etc. etc.)." I don't think to myself, "I need to tell him I'm busy the first 2 days he asks if I'm available so that he thinks I am very busy and important." But apparently this is the way you gotta play things. After realizing I probably screwed things up w/ Drunk Boy, the way I did w/ several others in the last couple years, I was just having a little pity party for myself in my IM window w/ my good buddy Spilly. So Spilly takes it upon himself to be my Dating Guru and starts setting out the rules for me. Involving all that "don't make yourself too available and don't hang out w/ him the first time he asks and don't sleep w/ him for 3 dates" stuff. But his big thing he started lecturing me on was, "Don't talk about sports." Apparently guys hate it because it's not cute or sexy at all and they want it to be their thing and they want to be able to teach us about it and blah blah blah blah BLAH. And I was totally writing it off, only then the cross-eyed bitch in that show said the same thing, and I got a little concurrence from another couple guy friends and...well anyway.

I think it's total bullshit, but it's worth a shot I guess. Considering I have given up on the NBA and the NFL simultaneously. Of course it's tough to meet guys when you are trapped in the library for the next month anyway, so it's a moot point.

As I told my sister and my friends the other day, I'm giving up on the bullshit that is pseudo/developing/whatever "relationships." The new P.O.A. - straight ho-in'.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Suzy Homemaker

I should be showering and helping my mom in the kitchen, but my magic number to make the playoffs in my fantasy league is 1 and I have Roy Williams and Marty Booker going right now. While many weeks I hate my team, so far today they are making me very very thankful.
Keep it up, boys!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Update 1:45 p.m.: Yes I realize I just jinxed myself.

The smell of wine and cheap perfume....

I've never tried writing a blog post drunk. Better late than never, bitches.

I wish I did not come home and immediately think to myself, "Heyyyy, what can I eat?!"

It goes without saying, but it is really not a preferable thing to run into someone you had completely forgotten existed in the first place and then have to make small talk. "Soooo what are you doing these days?...........Wow that sounds really interesting! That's so great for you!..........Oh well actually I'm _________..........Yeah you know how it is..........Totally.........So-and-so is doing nothing with himself? Wow that's such a shock! He was always such a go-getter!............" And so on and so forth. Yes, it goes without saying, but these conversations are completely unnecessary and annoying.
"I wish it had gone without saying, but you don't seem to shut up, do you???"

A shitty bar in a shitty suburb is a completely unacceptable place to have a bartender pull the "charge 3 top shelf shots on your tab and pretend like you won't know you didn't order them" move on you. This is of course operating under the assumption that said bartender does not remember making out with you in that doorway 4 years ago. Because you sure don't.... Which gives YOU plenty to be OK with about in terms of you blowing off his phonecalls for the next month. Ummmm hypothetically speaking of course.

The whole tab-paying fiasco prevented me from really enjoying the Naked Lady Game extravaganza. Another strike against you, Ireland's.

The booze always hits me right as I get home, thus preventing me from using it as an excuse for saying/doing things I really want to do but should not under normal circumstances. Well, as an effective excuse anyway.

My parents were supposed to tape Dexter for me all these weeks that I have been sans Showtime. I think they got weeks 2 and 5. Um...thanks.

The Nets suck. I was able to get that much from the crappy little TVs at Ireland's. So did my roto team tonight. But that didn't stop Ass Clown (see below) from offering me Ricky Davis for Ben Wallace straight up. Go fuck yourself, Ass Clown. Go fuck yourself a lot.

OK, I don't know if anyone reads this (except for my one adorable stalker...hey you!) but if anyone does, and happens to be aware of what exactly a "super 2" is and what that means in terms of arbitration eligibility...I would really appreciate a tip. "A super 2 is treated the same as a 3+" means something to me...only not really. I get the concept but what the hell do those things mean? Consider this my plea.

Not to be a downer, but...I found out tonight my grandmother has breast cancer. TBD whether or not it's operable. Fingers crossed. Love you Nan.... :(

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Who that man in a black sedan....

Thanks to the random dude I hung out w/ over the weekend who was enough of a drunk that he played his idea of the "best song ever" for me 6 times because he didn't remember playing it any of the first 5 times...it's been in my head for 4 straight days. At this point, I'm willing to admit it: this guy rocks. Then again, it could just be from all the repetition.... Anyway, if I never see you again, Drunk Guy, thanks for that.

But that's not why we are here.

Fun fact: I am a regular at Cody's now. Not sure this is a good thing. But the waitress (who is really very nice) actually made a point to come over to me and say, "Hey, you come in here a lot, don't you?" So that's fun.
I went there to watch the GMen get their asses completely whooped (the score really did not do justice to how completely awful they were) and was planning on staying to watch the rest of the Nets game I made the substitute bartender put on for me...only my friend who I dragged with me kept trying to make me feel better about the sand in Eli's vagina by saying "Hey, look...the Nets are winning! That's good!" And the dirty looks I was giving her were not deterring her and even my not-so-subtle "They're gonna blow that lead, shut UP" comments were not doing the trick...and by the time MNF ended, the lead was down to 2, so I said "I'm not sticking around to watch them blow a big lead and lose" because I was so pissed off at the freaking Giants and it ended up being the right call. I'm not discussing the travesty that is currently NYG football. As for the NJN, really...it's early. No need to bug out yet.... RJ looks OK in limited time. I think he should ease back in. Mikki should play more, at least while Cliffy is out. And it is scary as hell to have the channel turned to the game and see Nenad leaving the game w/ an ouchie (TM: The Cavalier). Anyway, I'm home in RoCo until Sunday, not just with the YES Network but also with LEAGUE PASS BITCHES. So maybe I'll have something to say, in lieu of starting my paper.

Anyhow, in honor of travelling through both Grand Central AND Port Authority today and pretty much realizing I hate everyone that comes within 50 yards of me, I am going to give a shout-out to 2 people that really ESPECIALLY pissed me off in the past week.

To a dude we will only call "Ass Clown":
Actually, I don't even know his real name bc he's just a dude in my roto NBA league and I only know one other person in the league. But he is an ass clown, so that is what he will be called. Now, I have since been calmed down from my fantasy league inspired rage, but I just wanted to have a little closure on the matter. Ass Clown is the guy in the league that has a crappy team but constantly makes trade proposals to everyone that only a completely moron would accept. It's well known in the league apparently. I probably get one or 2 proposals from Ass Clown every day or so. So Ass Clown posts on the message board that he really needs a center and wants to trade VC for him. He simultaneously makes me 2 offers, asking for Okafor and DH and Kobe in a couple combos and offering me the likes of VC, Ricky Davis, and C-Webb. I'm used to this kid's crap trade offers so I just reject them w/out any comment or anything but offer him straight up Big Ben for VC. He writes back to reject and says "Make a FAIR offer" and then offers me another one of his crap combos. Then he immediately goes on the message board and posts "Wallace for Carter HAHAHA CLASSIC OFFER" like a freaking infant. Not even like that's a bad offer when you are admittedly desperate for a center, but who airs out trade proposals on the message board? And then he posts a couple more times to make a "fair" offer, so I end up getting all pissed off and shooting off a slightly bitchy post, and then we are going back and forth, with him telling me VC is so much better than Kobe and Wallace sucks and I should trade Okafor bc he's going to get hurt anyway and Wallace isn't even a top center and yada yada I went off on him bc he's a damn moron. If you love VC so much and think Kobe sucks, why do you want to make that trade so badly? And if I should be "grateful" you would take my "injury-prone" center, why on earth would I want to take WINCE off your hands? For MAMBA no less. Then to be funny he kept offering me shit players for Okafor AND DH and then in a really "funny" move offered me his whole team for Okafor after I told him I would be refusing to deal with him from here on out. Anyway. Just being a moron and drawing my ire is enough to warrant him this shout-out.
Ass Clown: sorry for posting bitchy responses on the message board; I should have just let my guys' stats and the league standings speak for themselves. Nice pickup of Garbajosa though. He's sure to put you over the top.

As an aside here...PMSing and posting on the fantasy league message board is not a good idea. I fully understand at this point why guys don't want girls in the fantasy league. So...I apologize.

To a girl we will just call "C-Rag":
Seriously, after being forced to drink $35 worth of liquor for a 4 hour open bar when you only arrived in time for 1.5 hours, I am not the most patient person in the world. Although, to be fair, I am not the most patient person to begin with. Whatever. Not the point. ANYWAY. I run into my friend at a point very late in the night when I am tired of having elbows/drinks/broken glasses flying everywhere around me and sigh, "I need to get out of here, at this point I just hate everyone here." C-Rag overhears and decides to get all loud w/ me to her friend, all "THIS girl hates everyone at the party, THIS girl hates us, we better go," all sarcastic and bitchy-like. And New Becky (bear with me...I made a resolution a couple months ago to not be SUCH a hater) has been attempting to be more patient and less bitchy, so first I tell her she heard me wrong. She says "No, I heard EXACTLY what you said." So I say, "Well you took it out of context." And C-Rag replies, "No, I heard what you said and I KNOW what you meant." Keep in mind I was not even addressing her skank ass. But I'm still trying to be civil and diffuse the situation because I really was just exhausted by an entire weekend of binge drinking and wanted to go home. Then C-Rag's Generic Friend #1 asks what's wrong, so I say very matter-of-factly, not at all trying to be inflammatory, "Your friend is being a bitch for no reason. I don't know why." So C-Rag gets her panties ALL in a bunch and starts doing the chicken strut/squawk thing going "What??? Did you just call me a bitch?" New Becky has fled at this point so I told her yes, yes I did call her a bitch, because she was ACTING like a fucking bitch. So she gets in my face, I get in her face, and really at this point I was pretty close to just jacking her in the face...in all fairness she was probably right there too. And it's really not important who would have won in a fight (note: I would have) because our mutual friend, on a "We have a tight situation developing over here" tip, came over and literally picked her up and carried her away from me. In retrospect that was probably a good thing. But the issue is this: if you are acting like a bitch and by all accounts trying your hardest to be bitchy and butt into people's business and piss them off...well don't get all up in arms when someone says "Hey, you are a bitch!" Me personally, if I'm being bitchy and someone calls me a bitch, I'm going to say, "You're damn right I'm a bitch, now get the fuck out of my face." I have a rule (coined after dealing with a 2-faced skank from my school who was nice to my face and was a horrible person behind my back...she knows who she is) and it is as follows: If you are going to be a bitch, own it. That's all. Just...own it. Don't be fake nice, don't pretend you're not.
So this is for you, C-Rag, your own very special shout-out:


Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Mothafuckin Snakes Yo

Via NetsDaily, SI has
a little feature about Mikki and his reptile fetish.
Mikki inspired Robert Swift to get 8 pythons. One must then wonder if Mikki helped to inspire Swift's sexy new tats. I hope and pray. Anyway, with any luck, along with all the free time during recovery from that pesky torn ACL, Swift can surpass Mikki for the NBA's top Crazy Snake Guy. Dare to dream, Robert. Dare to dream.

I had very strong desires to skip class and go to happy hour near my office and watch the games tonight, but...well no one bit at the HH bait. So I'm in class. And I'm going to Cody's afterward. Alone. Both with and against my better judgment, if that's possible. I say it is.

So Wince has "flu-like symptoms" and might not play and Nenad is getting an MRI on his bruised knee manana. Good times! Even a loss will beat doing my professional responsibility reading.

This RJ situation is playing out exactly as I'd suspected. Over the weekend they're saying 8 weeks. Monday they say he'll play Wednesday. Yesterday they say he'll play this weekend. IT IS A LONG SEASON RJ, RELAX YOURSELF. Pretty please?

Currently getting dirty looks from classmates for giggling over this.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Ladies and gentlemen of the SUPPOSED jury...

Yeah I'm supposed to write a summation for my Tues trial ad class, and I was supposed to do it this weekend, and um...yeah I haven't done shit.

So I sort of dropped off on this whole blog-writing thing pretty quickly. I'm not surprised. No one else should be either. Well no one else reads this. But still.

Some thoughts on last week, and why I'm really glad a new week has finally started.

Monday was easily a very bad day. Actually, the day was not bad, but the night was just el terrible. In my first class I spilled coffee on my laptop, because I am a genius. Then in between classes I spilled it all over myself, and my jacket, because I am a quick-learning genius. Then in my second class (8 p.m.) I was trying to munch on some dry cereal because I had not eaten all day, and the first thing my prof says is "NO EATING IN CLASS" while he points at me, as he is a total douchefuck. So I get up in a huff to throw it out, because I am a not a brat at all. But I trip over my power chord and knock my laptop onto the floor, because I am incredibly graceful. Blar. So I sit through the most painfully boring and annoying class offered at my law school, and then after, Professor Fucktard decides he needs to lecture me about how he said the first day of class that there was no eating, and apparently me apologizing and telling him that I forgot was not going to stop him. Then of course he wanted to lecture me more about the email I had sent APOLOGIZING for being unprepared in the last class and explaining that I had fallen behind because I am so swamped w/ work from 7 classes and a job 3 days a week. Because he doesn't care, he has to expect me to do all the work for his pointless class, and my other professors should too! Well gee, Professor Fucktard, then maybe you shouldn't assign hundreds of pages in a casebook that we WON'T EVEN NEED TO LEARN FOR A FINAL BECAUSE YOU HAVE ASSIGNED A FUCKING TERM PAPER. And then the fun part? The heart of the lecture revolved around how one of my ass-kissing classmates CALLED HIM ON HIS CELL PHONE to COMPLAIN that I use the internet during class. Said classmate is VERY UPSET. I hope said classmate chokes on a pretzel. No one sits behind me, there are only 9 people in the class and we all sit around a big table and apparently someone across the table doesn't like that they can tell that myself and a couple other kids on my side of the table are on the internet during class. I'll be damned if I won't still be watching the GameCast of the Nets game tomorrow night. You fuck. And IT'S NOT EVEN A CURVED CLASS. So instead of being a tattle tale for the sake of helping your own grade, you were a tattle tale for FUN. I hope you are happy now, ass-kissing, cock-sucking classmate. But just so you know, SNITCHES GET STITCHES. Yup. Just ask Melo. I hate law school.

During the week I finished watching the first season of The Wire on dvd. True I am way behind, but I gradually fell in love w/ the show as I watched it, and I'll be damned if I didn't nearly cry when they killed Wallace. Anyway, I just ordered season 2 today.

Wednesday night I went back to the bar to watch Nets/Jazz. Unfortunately I made the mistake of telling a girl I am friendly w/ at school that she could meet me for a drink. This apparently meant chatting and catching up and really I was not able to pay as close attention to the first half as I would have liked. Also, she is the ex of my good friend and was completely psycho when they broke up and even went so far as to stalk ME. I always got along w/ her, but that was a bit much... She alluded to having acted crazy last year and I kind of just looked at her all "Noooooooooo...." Anyway she left at the start of the 3Q and I stayed on, alone. Then he came and met me afterward. I think he has accepted the fact that she could completely flip out again but really just likes the idea that he could sleep w/ her again, easily. I don't know. Law school is a lot like high school, only suckier. That's my expert analysis after 2.5 years, people. Write that down.
Anyway, the boys looked good, and I have a completely non-sexual crush on Marcus Williams because he freaking rocks my socks. Also, I have a potentially-slightly-sexual crush on Boki. True he is not of the light-eyed variety of men that I am normally drawn to, but he is tall and perhaps very attractive. And also, I might just need to find myself a man, because I am starting to sound pretty pathetic.
I also watched the Nets/Heat game Fri night because I ACTUALLY had it in my apt (thanks for not blacking it out, ESPN). I realized that night that the Nets had joined the NY Giants in the "teams that are trying to kill me" category. I have only those guys to blame if I end up w/ hypertension.
RJ's ankle...ugh. It's killing my Nets AND my freaking roto team. (Side note: I love my roto team. I've never done roto before and I find it to be much more fun than other types of fantasy bball. In fact, the way I have always drafted for other types of fantasy leagues was perfect. I'm just glad I never made the adjustments. Fucking up before is working out well for me so far now.)
I have kind of a fear that RJ will rush his recovery time. Everyone is always talking about how quickly he heals and yada yada yada, but...I dunno. I think he has issues w/ not wanting to take too much of a backseat to Vince and will come back sooner than would be wise. Last year during the playoffs, I knew a guy who was friends w/ RJ's roommate. And basically, RJ was calling him up to bitch about Vince taking too many shots. Greeeeaaaat. Look pal, I love you to death, but chill the F out, and let Vince be Wince (oh he was out in full effect last week) and you'll get your shots. Not saying you're wrong, but...well don't rush back from an injury because you're worried about your role on the team. Please. I beg of you. For some reason I see you pulling this shit anyway. Don't do it. Just heal.
I didn't get to watch the OT win over the Wiz, but I monitored it online. I tried to do work all day but it didn't happen...and then I let the Giants break my heart a bit. I won't say anything further about that. Anyway, I'm digging the twists and turns of this new ball plotline. Helping the Nets tie it up at the end of reg means tonight I am pro-new ball. Check back later, I'm sure that will change. JKidd just MIGHT avg a triple-double this season afterall. And Antoine Wright still has some work to do. But I am loving the current incarnation of this team. Even if they cannot beat Miami still.

I am currently watching It Takes Two. Don't ask me why. It's funny though to think about this movie, and the remake of The Parent Trap and realize how utterly skanky and whorish the little girls from both have become. OK I'll admit it: I like Lohan. Sue me. Classy she ain't, but she owns the shit. Also, she drops c-bombs on other skank celebs.

Took my sister to see Brian Regan last night. Very funny stuff, but not nearly as funny as the stuff on his cd. I think she had fun though, which makes me happy. I'm glad we are able to have a good relationship now, considering what a brat she was when she was little and how impatient I was with her. Then I made her go to a karaoke bar in Korea Town w/ me and one of my law school friends and his friends and man I do love it. I know I'm probably not very good at all, but holding the microphone and PRETENDING I rock hard is just too fun. It's funny though, my sister performs all the time in front of actual audiences and sings all sorts of crazy "I'm A Vegan!" and "Cats in Love" type songs and rocks the shit out of them...only in front of like 8 people in a karaoke room she gets all shy. I love her. She's too adorable. Oh, and FYI? I rocked the shit out of "Livin' on a Prayer." Don't front.

Hopefully this week will have less school/boy drama, and I won't be completely swamped at work...
Odds not in my favor.