Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Hibachi! For realz.

Actually, I want to do a Gilbert post for real, and should have in the last one, but didn't feel right just tacking it onto a Nets post.

He is the talk of the blogosphere today (OK, EVERY day) because there is a Klosterman article on him coming out.

The article gets the TrueHoop treatment.

Then the Sports Bog reax.

And it is all so brilliantly and comprehensively done.

Not to mention the love he throws to Dan Shanoff.

And the love thrown to him by Miss Gossip (Move him into first, girl, come on!).

But in searching for answers in all of it, I think Dan Steinberg actually finds the answer when he says:

Because, like I said, it's an issue I think about all the time. Is Gilbert Arenas weird, or is he exceedingly normal, which just makes him seem weird based on his surroundings?

The latter, Dan. Abso-freakin-lutely.


So much work to do this much don't wanna do it.

Went to my first Nets game of the season last night, using the aforementioned nail salon bought ticket package. $101 seats for $50 is something I can get behind. It worked out well and wasn't a scam, so that was nice.

As promised to my benefactor (no, not THE Benefactor, but I did watch AND LIKE that show), I wore the shirt bearing the namesake of this site. I did not see El Nenad at the game though, so I'm kind of wondering if I missed a bullet somewhere stating he's rehabbing in Russia or something. (You know, the Rocky IV regiment.) I did see RJ clowning around during a timeout. There are numerous complaints you can make about RJ, but the one thing you can count on is that he cannot wait to get back in the game and play his little heart out.

The PA Announcer at CAA is taking a few too many liberties, I think. The "V! C! 3!" call was kinda cute, but when he's saying things like "From Secaucus!" or "DID YOU SEE!!! V!!! C!!!" it's kinda are reaching, dude. Slow your roll.

I am definitely 100% in love w/ Boki Nachbar though. He's cute AND talented. Annnnd I'm a 13-year-old girl. Moving on.

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I was surprised, but not really surprised at how empty the arena was. I can tell on TV that no one is going to games, but it's a whole different feeling live. Granted it's not any different than in years past, but it's sort of unbelievable that not even the Almighty Vince can put butts in the seats.

Very much enjoyed the new Senior Dance Team. Their jersey numbers are their ages!!! It's great. One dude was like 80, it was pretty hot. My companion said he thought it would be really funny if they had them play a little ball. I responded I thought it would be funnier if they made the REAL dance team play. I have to say, the dance team this year is much more attractive than it has been in years past. I would love to be THAT Becky, she of financial analyst and Nets dancer fame. Interesting observation though...they don't change their outfits as much as they used to...they wore the same gold shorts the whole game! Unbelievable. That might be Beyonce's mom's fault though...I think I read somewhere that she's designing their outfits. OK, this is way too much talk of dancing ladies.

As for the actual was fun! They're winning again, woo! It was funny though, watching JKidd take all those 3s in the 3rd...every time he chucked one up, you're going "NoooooooooYESSSSS!" Which is the normal reaction when JKidd launches many shots, as shooting is not his strong point. In fact, when he does that toward the end of a game when they're behind, I call it the "White Flag Offense." Last night though, in the 3rd, it was an absolutely freaking beautiful rendition of what I have dubbed the "Hey Vince, Go Fuck Yourself Offense."
When we missed a couple, [coach] said, 'Hey, let's get to the basket,'" said Carter, who had only seven of his 27 after halftime. "So I said 'Guys I'll get to the basket, you guys spot up.'

To which Kidd and Co. responded "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Anyway, good win, even if it was against a very hobbled Wiz team. Yeah, I heard "Andre Blatche" and "Roger Mason, Jr." over the PA multiple times so that kind of explains that. But a W's a W. And I got a nice up close and personal gander at Agent 0 since I was sitting right by the entrance that leads to the visiting team's locker room. Unfortunately it was not up close and personal, "wink wink," as a) I've never been able to ask anyone for an autograph, and b) I haven't figured out how to be a groupie yet. Someone's really gotta teach me how to do that.

I've been reading Seven Seconds or Less and all the fun stuff it says about Eddie House in there (they call him "Casa"...hee) shows on the court...he's just a guy that it seems like everyone likes being around and who has a lot of fun out there. That's what I want from my sports teams man...guys who are having fun. I love having Eddie House on my team. Although I did not see him do the worm...sadly disappointing.

So those are my quick thoughts before getting down to the work business. As an aside, I think I might attempt to quit drinking for awhile. It's expensive ($7 arena beers, holler!) and is contributing to my inability to get back to my playing weight, so after Happy Hour today and Fri, I'm going to try and go cold turkey. At least until my birthday. That'll be like 3 weeks...can I do it? We shall see. Maybe it'll even help me sort out the mess that is my current romantic situation(s). There's a love life as basketball analogy I've been having some fun with...if I get a few free min later on today, I might throw it on here for the sake of posterity.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

...And I don't think I have the time, to listen to your voice

So my dreams for a Spaniard were unsurprisingly left unfulfilled.

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Consider me glad I did not get wrapped up in all the trade talk. I could have predicted the whole thing would have been one giant cocktease.
For the record though, I would have GLADLY done Vince for Darko and JJ. I know I'm among the minority on this one, but I LIKE Redick. He plays hard and would be a nice 3-point shooting piece of the puzzle on this Nets team. With a pg like Kidd (not to mention Marcus) and guys like Nenad and RJ who command opponents' attention on defense, JJ could and would get the wide-open shots he loves to drain so much. Even if he does roll like R. Kelz.

Anyway, as of today, Vince is saying he wants to stay w/ the Nets long-term, and obviously JKidd, cracked rib and all, has maintained his diplomatic stance of being very happy to stay a Net as well. However, I would not be surprised to see them both moved during the off-season. Obviously Carter can just walk, but he seems to at least be in the frame of mind that would open the door for a sign-and-trade, which would be the best situation. In any event, as maddeningly mediocre the Nets have been of late, they kicked ass in convincing fashion last night and are still very much in the playoff hunt. Now the question would be are they better off going in as a low seed and trying to compete against the top teams, or are they better off tanking and hoping for a high draft pick in an abnormally stacked (due to the new minimum age) draft. My friends seem to like the latter. Me, the eternal optimist (ha)...I'm for the former! The Nets can compete with any of the teams in the East on a good me, it just seems they don't have enough consistent "good" nights. But RJ will be back, and the young guys on the bench have gotten better, and the East seems kind of wide open...other than the Pistons and maybe the Bulls, there don't seem to be any "sure things." Washington, Toronto, Cleveland, Orlando, the Knicks...all big question marks. And Miami sans D-Wade? Not so scary. And maybe Mile will gain some mad skillz in the D-League and come back and contribute and...OK, I am getting carried away. But they could make a run. Let's leave it at that.

And so what if ESPN doesn't want to air the Nets anymore? Nobody likes you anyway, ESPN. So there. Except my one girl friend who in a game of "Would You or Wouldn't You?" said she "WOULD," "DEFINITELY would" w/ Stu Scott. Ew. Althought in all fairness it was a long game and I think she said "wouldn't" like once. Harlot.

I've been disappointed with the movies I've caught in the theaters recently. Reno 911 however, did NOT disappoint. Two thumbs up. They threw every single cast member of my very most favoritest show "The State" in there. AND it reminded me how much I love Nick Swardson.

Speaking of which, jury is still out on whether or not this is funny, but I know I enjoyed it immensely anyway....
As pointed out to me by my butter- and blog-hating friend:

Sunday, February 18, 2007

but kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation....

Despite a nearly lethal amount of alcohol consumption in our nation's capital, I have been/am enjoying the All-Star festivities immensely, not to mention the in-depth coverage from the blogosphere and national media alike.

All the excitement has allowed this to slip through the cracks though (go to the 5:20 mark): the chick who was rumored to break up VC's marriage (I can't figure out how to hyperlink on a I'm straight up pasting a link to the Big Lead -- is the same chick who's walking around with an apparently deeply scarred heart caused by JKidd back in high school?

And now we've got a messy Kidd divorce and trade rumors swirling around BOTH All-Stars?

Gabby, you siren...go fuck up the Knicks instead, dammit.

Speaking of, my favorite line from the quickest and most comprehensive recaps of the ASG:

"On a side note, earlier in the day, one of our guys hit up the famous $25 buffet at the Rio hotel. Jerome James was there, taking pictures with females in between crushing the buffet …"

That was from one of my favorite sites, the indispensable Dime Mag.
Here is the link, and by link, I mean url:

Friday, February 16, 2007

It's just a twist of the cap from the 40 in my lap wanna scrap we can scrap gonna blast I'm strapped tell me

Yes yes yes yes YES, it's finally here!!!
I've been checking The Smoking Gun every day, and right before the All-Star Game, yeah!
OK so this is kind of juvenile and voyeuristic, but I've made no apologies before and I'm not making them now. I realize it's not right to glorify any violence toward women in any way, but when it happens with famous people, it always feels more like a soap opera than a case for a city agency or whatever. So in the interest of entertainment, let's just all assume these accusations are all false. We'll do the same for the ones Jason made in his filing as well. Everybody's entertained! Nobody's hurt! Woohoo!
(OK, I am a little sorry...but anything beats having to talk about the Nets in a basketball sense right now. Those last 2 games were brutal.)

A friend of mine recently started working for the NBA and is currently in Vegas for the festivities. Needless to say, I am hopelessly and desperately jealous. The following is an excerpt from an email I sent her on Monday night from one of my more awful classes. Had I not been in class and took some time to think about it, I'm sure I could have come up with a better and more comprehensive list. Since I'm swamped at work today, you're just getting the recreation of what I DID send.

I am so FREAKING jealous you get to go to vegas. in fact, if the ASG were in freaking denver I would STILL be this jeal. if you see Mark Cuban, tell him that I will gladly give up my Ivy League and legal educations for the opportunity to bring him coffee every day for a small wage. If you see Sir Charles, write down everything he says, since it is sure to be pure gold. if you see Gilbert, tell him I'm a borderline genius so it might be advantageous for him to let me bear his children. If you see Vince, slap him across the face and say "GET IT TOGETHER, MAN," or just "OWN IT." If you see JKidd, tell him "Bitches is crazy," in a sympathetic manner. If you see Dirk, just freaking bow down because HE is the freaking king as far as I'm concerned. In fact he might be my favorite player ever. (Or, in the alt, blow him a kiss and say "Gong show." He'll know what you mean.) If you see Damon If you see LBJ...see: Vince Carter. If you see Mike D'Antoni or Stevie Nash, just shake their hands and express many feelings of extreme admiration. If you see Jason Kapono, ask him how he keeps his hair looking so perfect at ALL times. If you see Dwight Howard, just be impressed by him...he is truly the epitome of "Man-Child" or "Man-Beast." Or just "MEASTY" as the kids are saying these days. Also, he's supposed to be the nicest guy ever. If you see Kobe...well, don't invite him to your hotel room. If you see Marion, tell him you think he's better than Amare...but only if Amare is not around. They both have sensitive egos. If you see Tony Parker, tell him you REALLY love "The Crepes Are In the Oven." If you see Adam Morrison, just tell him it's the greatest 'stache in the world and hundreds would weep if he were to get rid of it. If you see Marcus Williams, DON'T make a laptop joke. If you see David Lee and think he's as hot as I do, offer him your services. Let me live vicariously through you.
I think that is all for now.

My goodness gracious do I want to go to an All-Star Game. One day.


Monday, February 12, 2007

Jackie O had Johnny F...but I just wanna smoke your last cigarette...

Alt title:
"Na I don’t do this; you already knew this; ma we been through this."

Yes, romance is in the air.

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @

The second I declare my want/need to just be alone and have "me time," the freaking flood gates open and the boys decide they can't get enough of Becky. I'm not saying I blame them. I do rock in a particularly hard fashion. But I was unaware that "I'm not looking for anything serious" caused the Stage 4 clingers to come out in such full force.

Anyway, consider this my private plea (god forbid I bring it up and actually have to discuss it...avoidance: it works!) to skip the whole V-Day thing this year. I HATE V-Day, and not as a bitter single girl who has spent too many of them alone and eating her weight in chocolates. Au contraire, this gal has seemed to ALWAYS have a boyfriend on V-Day, and an overly sensitive wannabe romantic one at that. (For those of you scoring at home...that was like 4 different dudes over the years.) So I enjoy the prospect of being single and not having to deal w/ all the bullshit that comes with the "holiday." It's a Hallmark creation. Like Christmas. But with crappy candy instead of delicious cookies. Oh yeah, and without that Jesus stuff. Whatever.
So here's hoping my current situations are all still "pseudo" enough in nature that nobody expects me to buy them a card. Because let's be real, I always buy the suggestive cards that you can't display on the mantle anyway. Might as well skip the holiday and send some provocative pics instead, yes?

Of course, I may be sort of cynical. If romance is on your mind, but you haven't come up with the perfect plan for your special night yet, I would like to make a suggestion. Mmmmm, keepsake items.

Along the lines of romance, I have never said how much I really really REALLY love the Romance on the Hardwood series. J.E. Skeets is an evil genius. This here bit o' goodness is one of my faves, but it might just be because it appeals to my fandom. And gives me a nice segway to say this: Trade rumors can be fun, but when the Post says on Sunday, "FIRE SALE!!! EVERYONE MUST GO!!!" and then the Daily News says on Monday, "NO ONE IS GOING ANYWHERE," I just give up. Wake me up when something actually happens. I'm not even linking. So there. Ugh. OK, fine. Here, and here. Note my bitterness though.

After watching the last few games though, I would like to go on record as saying I was wrong about something in an earlier post. The Nets CAN win with the Boki & Marcus show. Abso-freakin-lutely. Depending on the learning curve for both of them though is what will determine whether they can actually beat any quality teams, or win consistently enough to make the playoffs. It's really a crapshoot. I'll have some more well thought out observations after the next couple games, and during the All Star break. Or not. I'm guessing if anyone reads this, it's not for my in-depth analysis, but for my charm and wit, and you don't give a gosh darn one way or the other.

Oh, and I meant to link to this Vince Carter statue story when it first happened and I just forgot. VC is a good guy and probably should get way more credit than he does for being one of the guys that actually gives back to the community. But it's difficult because it's too easy to get caught up in the way he acts like a little bitch on the court half the time. I personally think he comes off looking like a great guy with this though.

"Rookie of the Year, the contracts -- they mean nothing," Carter continued. "To see all these people here in the rain, enjoying me up here acting like a little baby, that makes it worth it."

We'll see about that soon though, eh?

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

That's only in the mo'nin.

John Hollinger writes for the Sun? That's strange. In any event, he suggests more Boki Time, and I am obviously on board. He points out the undoubted drop-off on defense when Uncle Cliffy is on the floor, which I'd have to agree with. In fact I think the way I put it to my mom via telephone at the end of the OT loss the other night was, "Why the FUCK would you EVER have Robinson guarding a shot at the end of the game???" There were of course a lot of "Vince dribbling into coverage, chucking up a 'shot' and hoping for a foul" to complain about, and that we did. We're Jewish women. Complaining is our heritage. So yes. More Boki Time, please. His Sportsline player profile pic notwithstanding...eeeek.

Blah blah blah blah sealed record blah blah blah.

If they lose to the Hawks again tonight, I might have to consider a Cavalier-style boycott. They're not even trying to make any trades anymore? Really? This season needs a quick pick-me-up, and unfortunately nostalgia is not the answer. In fact, it's just making my heart sad.

And now to point out the return of RJ at a timetable of around "6 weeks" is considered optimistic. And to point out the Nets shoot free throws BADLY. Ohhhh you think so, Doctor?

This has not been a fun post.

I know, I'll make it one!
Very (VERY) cute new intern pointed me to this vid, which actually made me choke on a sip of Poland Spring.
It has nothing to do with anything at all. But it lets me say things like, "Like a alarm clock...WOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!"

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Life looks good, good, good, cuz Billy's got his beer goggles on.

The first 30 seconds or so of this video are maybe the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen...ever.

Just to make this sort of sports-related, here's a cute little story from my local paper about a Westchester kid who always dreamed of being a pro wrestler and is living his dream....
And there's not really too much in there, except the part where you read this part:
He attended pro wrestling school while he was still a college student, then moved to Louisville for two years to attend developmental school after graduating in 2002.

and you ask yourself, "Why didn't I attend pro wrestling school???" Seriously...I could kick some ass.
For whatever reason, the most interesting part of the article in the actual paper was not included in the online version. It reads kind of like this:
"Johnny doesn't do steroids. He just eats a lot."
Then there's a little daily planner. Which looks like this:
7 a.m. - wake up, immediately eat oatmeal, peanut butter, protein powder
10 a.m. - green tea
11 a.m. - gym, glutamine, branch-chain amino acids
1 p.m. - 2 scoops of protein powder + banana + berries + peanut butter + skim milk = super large and delicious protein shake; many vitamin pills
3:30 p.m. - 10 egg whites + 2 whole eggs + vegetables and some fat-free cheese
6 p.m. - meat with vegetables, brown rice, and half a potato
9 p.m. - leftovers
11:30 p.m. - fat-free cottage cheese w/ fruit
12 a.m. - sleep

No wonder athletes use performance enhancing drugs...who the hell has time for a food schedule like that???

In case none of that was interesting to you...perhaps my accompanying photo will be.
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I apologize in advance for any nightmares that causes.

Just to give myself some nice dreams, here is my new favorite NFL journalist. Cam writes for the Contra Costa Times and is the perfect man. I wish Super Bowl Week could go on forever so he could be on ESPN every day. Unfortunately I can't find any pictures of him that do his immeasurable handsomeness any justice.

So we're going with this:
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Oh my GOD, do I want me some Alex Smith.

Happy Super Bowl Sunday, everyone. Be safe tomorrow.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

A little bit is better than nada...Sometimes you want the whole enchilada...

Just wanted to take a quick break from watching bad basketball, being horrifically hungover and wishing for a certain someone to contract the hiv in Miami this weekend. (I kid. The hiv, no. Herpes simplex B, most definitely.)

It's kind of wack that Vince got a spot on the All-Star team. It just hasn't looked like he's been trying all that hard. Even when everyone was healthy, the team was underachieving in the worst way and everyone knows my feelings on who should be taking it upon themselves to step their game up. He's still one of the most talented players in the league, but...until I see more of the "Fuck it, I'm taking this one over" face and much much less of the "Wince" face, I don't think he deserves it. He could. But he does not. No more so than Michael Redd anyway. Joe Johnson anyone? Yeesh. And the Melo snub is going to be covered by every writer/blogger/asshat on the street. Suffice it to say, someone goofed.
Congrats to JKidd though, who really does deserve it this season (or for 2/3 of this season). He just brought it to another level all of a sudden and has that All-Star look about him.
No, we are not mentioning last night's game. I've vented. I've moved on. I'm over it. You should be too.

The hell is up with this Jeremy Piven/Dwyane Wade commercial...?
And the "Second Coming" commercial? I said it when it first aired a couple weeks ago, and I'll say it again- it gets me juuuuuuiced. The only thing that would make it more awesome would be if it were set to "Remember the Name."

Everyone see Running Scared, if you have not already. It's got a little bit of everything and therefore a little something for everyone.

Apropos of absolutely nothing at all, here is one of my favorite videos of all time: