Friday, February 16, 2007

It's just a twist of the cap from the 40 in my lap wanna scrap we can scrap gonna blast I'm strapped tell me

Yes yes yes yes YES, it's finally here!!!
I've been checking The Smoking Gun every day, and right before the All-Star Game, yeah!
OK so this is kind of juvenile and voyeuristic, but I've made no apologies before and I'm not making them now. I realize it's not right to glorify any violence toward women in any way, but when it happens with famous people, it always feels more like a soap opera than a case for a city agency or whatever. So in the interest of entertainment, let's just all assume these accusations are all false. We'll do the same for the ones Jason made in his filing as well. Everybody's entertained! Nobody's hurt! Woohoo!
(OK, I am a little sorry...but anything beats having to talk about the Nets in a basketball sense right now. Those last 2 games were brutal.)

A friend of mine recently started working for the NBA and is currently in Vegas for the festivities. Needless to say, I am hopelessly and desperately jealous. The following is an excerpt from an email I sent her on Monday night from one of my more awful classes. Had I not been in class and took some time to think about it, I'm sure I could have come up with a better and more comprehensive list. Since I'm swamped at work today, you're just getting the recreation of what I DID send.

I am so FREAKING jealous you get to go to vegas. in fact, if the ASG were in freaking denver I would STILL be this jeal. if you see Mark Cuban, tell him that I will gladly give up my Ivy League and legal educations for the opportunity to bring him coffee every day for a small wage. If you see Sir Charles, write down everything he says, since it is sure to be pure gold. if you see Gilbert, tell him I'm a borderline genius so it might be advantageous for him to let me bear his children. If you see Vince, slap him across the face and say "GET IT TOGETHER, MAN," or just "OWN IT." If you see JKidd, tell him "Bitches is crazy," in a sympathetic manner. If you see Dirk, just freaking bow down because HE is the freaking king as far as I'm concerned. In fact he might be my favorite player ever. (Or, in the alt, blow him a kiss and say "Gong show." He'll know what you mean.) If you see Damon If you see LBJ...see: Vince Carter. If you see Mike D'Antoni or Stevie Nash, just shake their hands and express many feelings of extreme admiration. If you see Jason Kapono, ask him how he keeps his hair looking so perfect at ALL times. If you see Dwight Howard, just be impressed by him...he is truly the epitome of "Man-Child" or "Man-Beast." Or just "MEASTY" as the kids are saying these days. Also, he's supposed to be the nicest guy ever. If you see Kobe...well, don't invite him to your hotel room. If you see Marion, tell him you think he's better than Amare...but only if Amare is not around. They both have sensitive egos. If you see Tony Parker, tell him you REALLY love "The Crepes Are In the Oven." If you see Adam Morrison, just tell him it's the greatest 'stache in the world and hundreds would weep if he were to get rid of it. If you see Marcus Williams, DON'T make a laptop joke. If you see David Lee and think he's as hot as I do, offer him your services. Let me live vicariously through you.
I think that is all for now.

My goodness gracious do I want to go to an All-Star Game. One day.


1 comment:

MCBias said...

Great letter. I am tearing out my hair at the appropriateness of the VC/LBJ comparison.