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Sunday, September 14, 2008

Bitch Mode




So many things stressing and pissing me off these days. Rather than be a bitch to everyone I know, I'm gonna blog it out.

Job stuff. Being given insufficient resources and nearly impossible goals/deadlines is immensely frustrating. Being told it's up to you to come up with ideas on how to circumvent these issues and if you fail, then it's your ass on the line...not so much frustrating as maddening.
As if that weren't bad enough...things completely out of my control could dictate whether I even HAVE a job in 2 months. And that's it. For 8 weeks, I'll be in the dark. Then, I might still have the job I have now (shitty), I might have no job whatsoever (shittier) and I might have a sweet newish job with higher pay (not even a little bit shitty). I'm hoping for that last one. In case you couldn't tell.

If I have no job, it makes the fact that I'm trying to move back to NYC in 3 weeks a pretty bad idea. And yes, the apartment hunt is a nightmare, mostly since I haven't had a chance to participate much. So I can't blame anyone else for it being fucked...much. Stressful.

Not sleeping. I haven't slept through the night in...I don't know how long. It sucks. I'm tired all the time and I look like helllll. That coupled with the fact I worked my ass off all summer and never got a tan is not helping my appearance.

Driving long distances. Makes my ass hurt. Yet dealing with the airlines makes my head hurt.

Broken phones. 2nd one in 2 months. The first one was my fault...conceded. But I learned my lesson about getting completely drunk with an open purse while playing with dogs and doing karate on cement. But this time I didn't throw or drop the phone...I didn't really slam it down...too hard. Either way, I hate being without phone, I hate how NOT helpful phone companies' tech support is, and I especially hate being able to hear texts come in without being able to see them. Fucking terrible.

Boys. They are stupid. Even the ones I'm not at all interested in find a way to anger me.
Hint to take, please, finally - 20 separate reasons that I can't go out with you = 1 giant reason I won't go out with you: I DO NOT WANT TO.
To someone I have only and will only refer to as Desperate & Delusional - my humoring the freakshow that is your entire life because I am required to as part of my job is NOT an invitation to spread rumors that I would ever hang out with you, let alone that YOU stood ME up. Even if anyone believes your pathetic tall tales, keep my name out of your mouth if you don't want a swift knee to the balls when I finally am no longer in a position where I have to tolerate your unbearable presence. I don't care if you "wanted to know what it felt like to leave a hot girl hanging." Your very existence sickens me and while earlier I felt badly for you due to your extreme pathetic nature, I now want nothing more than to completely avoid you until the end of time. Ew, and gross. And just so you know, everyone knows your "girlfriend" is a hooker. Congrats on the upgrade from inflatable though!
And to my new friend - not even a girl who wanted to get with you would buy the "My marriage is over but I still wear the wedding ring as a fashion statement just because I like it, even though I'm not wearing it right now because I thought you didn't notice it the last time I saw you because I was shadily trying to hide my hand in my pocket" story. It would take a giant moron. I'm not one.

The NBA and MLB. Or my teams. Yeah, the Yankees suck. Not that it's a surprise this season, but it's still a little depressing. And the Nets...I'm still not sure I'm ready to talk about them at length. But the players I liked are pretty much all gone. The players I'll be watching all season are not my favorites. I predict a brutal season, and last place in the division. NO PLAYOFFS TIL BROOKLYN, as they say. But guess what? I'll still watch most of the games. Real fan and all. Unlike some people, just because something doesn't go the way I want (we all have to deal with losing seasons and heartbreaking playoff losses sometimes), I'm not going to come up with some bullshit excuse why I "can't" watch them anymore or some bullshit justification of why they don't "deserve" my fandom and viewership. I won't cast myself as the victim because I don't like the level of effort in certain players and then use that as an excuse to not follow a team just because they're not winning. That's reserved for self-obsessed pussies. If anything was going to drive me away from this team, it would be a Lopez twin, the black hole of suck that is Yi, and Captain Carter. Fandom is for better or worse though. So in addition to looking forward the NBA season in general (and despite the negativity of the post, I really am), I'm still trying to drink the Nets Kool-Aid. Because if I don't, it's gonna be a loooooooong season.

So some optimism to close.
Football is back! Being a fan of the Super Bowl champs is a nice perk.
Live games are awesome, and the past year I've broadened my horizons quite a bit from the local teams. The homes of the Nationals, Orioles, Wizards, Redskins, Capitals, Phillies, and Bills have all proven to be a lot of fun, adverse fans and all. But I do hate being away from NYC. So I guess I'm back to the apartment search now...especially since I can't sleep. Fuck.

Monday, April 28, 2008

GOB is running the Suns?



How does that Shaq trade look now?

Props to the most lovely Christmas Ape for the Photoshoppage.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Breaking News

The Nets play the Wizards in D.C. tonight.

Malik Allen has guaranteed a victory for the Jersey Boys.

You heard it here first, kids.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

YO!

Anyone still check this blog?
No?
Bummer.
Any stragglers...might I suggest going ici:
GIGGIN' BACK TO THE COMMUNITY

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Vroom, bitch.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Having spent a significant amount of time in Bergen County, NJ the past 2 months, I have been reminded of a phenomenon that I had darn near forgotten about while living in the city for three years:
The mid-life crisis car.
Now, I grew up with several friends and a father who were into cars, in the sense that they had a fine appreciation for looking at, driving and especially rebuilding classic cars. Call me white trash if you must, but I had one of these in my garage for a few years and I'll be damned if it wasn't the most beautiful thing in the world to me at the time.
So I am not a grease monkey chick by any means, but I know enough to appreciate a hot car. And driving around suburbia the past 2 months, I have seen a LOT of hot cars. Mostly here and there in parking lots, a few driving past me on the ro-ad. And while I haven't gotten more than a passing glimpse here and there at a driver, I am 99.999% certain that each and every one of these vehicles is owned and operated by a male, age 40-55 years. Because men at this age hit their mid-life crisis or whatever, and this manifests itself in silly car purchases, where the car is beautiful, but the men are not. In fact, half of these men barely can squeeze their newish old man gut behind the wheel.
Which leads me to my point:
I recognize a sexy car when I see one. I do a double take, give a low whistle, and say, "That is a sick car."
HOWEVA.
That being said.
What's the point of these cars? Unless you're the type who has always liked going to car shows and rebuilding cars and the like, I don't really get it. Ostensibly it's to attract female attention and yada yada yada, release that mid-life tension in one way or another, yeah? Because it's not like they buy the cars to race them. You don't see a lot of random old dudes suddenly joining the NASCAR circuit. (Or do you? I admittedly know dick about NASCAR.)
So let me break it down this way.
Yes, I am attracted to your car.
No, I will not fuck your car.
No, I will not fuck you either.
Now maybe your money would be better spent on a nice vacation for just you and the wife, you dirty old man.

Friday, September 14, 2007

He's an all-star when he's masturbating, but when it counts, he fades to Bolivia

Who knew DerMarr Johnson's sex life was such a hot topic?

"I fucked a millionaire, but a bitch still broke."

DerMarr Johnson Mix

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The fact that NFL --> NBA = Groupe Upgrade, the value of playing in Italy, plus much, much more.

In fact...why, looky here: every single player.
Guess you can't make a ho a housewife after all....

Oh, and do enjoy the J.J. Redick entry, from which the title of this post came.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

If I get too surly, will you take that in stride?

I was told to share this picture with the masses.
Yeah, that's right...I'm bringin' Mexi back.
I was gonna just post it right up here, but on second viewing I noticed it was somewhat NSFW.

Am I going to start blogging again soon? I think, yes.
Basically, my life has been disgustingly boring. Job hunt, apartment hunt, live with parents, yada yada. And I assume no one wanted to hear about the boring family vacation ("When told to pay attention to the surroundings because we were driving over the Golden Gate Bridge, I noted it was not unlike driving over the George Washington Bridge...only painted in the lovely 'International Orange' color indicated by a random tour guide.") or how my family has decided I'm a terrible person ("You're a bitch and you're ruining your relationships with all of us. You can be bitchy, but not more bitchy than we are to you. You go too far." That's a paraphrase, but the general gist.) and certainly not my utter futility at procuring long-term employment (...no, I don't even have a parenthetical since I haven't heard from one place I've sent resumes to.) or how much it sucks trying to find apartments in NYC.

As for the sports blogging, there are about a hundred quality Yankees blogs out there, not to mention that team barely made me feel anything positive all season up until Joba's dad was crying in the stands the other night. You can only call Mike Mussina the c-word so many times before you're stuck in a rut.
And the USA Basketball business...you'll have to forgive me if I wasn't having an orgasm like the rest of the NBA junkies over the new "Dream Team." But as a Nets fan who spends the majority of every season and the entire postseason worrying about Kidd's legs being "fresh" and him having to play close to 48 minutes per game and needing to get him some rest and seeing him literally fade down the stretch of those long playoff series because the former haven't happened...it's frustrating. Obviously you can't tell players not to play in the international competition (or if you can, you shouldn't be able to) but it is aggravating to see a player who rest has been such a concern for...not. The rest of the Eastern Conference improved. It's gonna be a long season, and an even longer post-season, if they even get there....

And the Giants. I was going to blog about them a bit, but then they drove me to drink. Again.
So glad football season is back....

Anyway. Yeah. I'll be back, possibly sooner, probably later.

In the meantime, just try not to watch this and fall off your chair laughing at the 1 minute mark: