Monday, December 25, 2006

I'm singing "Hu Hagtol Gavish"

Yeah I'm a STYLIN' JEW alright. But I really have no clue what the F that means.

So this has sort of become my venue to vent about whatever the hell is on my mind, so tonight comes the "lonely Jew on Christmas" rant. At least until I get super frustrated with the mouse on this computer, which works just good enough that I continue to use it and just badly enough that I slam it against the desk every hour or so hoping it will either shatter or start working better.
I sat on my ass all day and watched The Wire and I have to say that halfway through the 3rd season, I don't understand why everyone said season 3 was so much better than season 2....
I thoroughly enjoyed my food made by Asians. Although dinner with my family always gets a little surreal. We all enjoy the roundtable ridicule, but the R-rated insults are starting to get weird. Something about my sister's weird roommate staying in on Halloween to "practice" some such Wiccan strangeness creates enough material without anyone referring to her playing with a black cat, in not so many words. In ANY event, mad props to the Chinamen for remaining open for us on Christmas. What's that? "Chinamen" is not the preferred nomenclature anymore? Asian Americans then. Right on.
I do freaking love going to the movies. I've come to notice that since I love going to the movies, when I date a guy who likewise loves going to the movies, I see every movie I want to, and probably a few that I could very well skip. When I am single and/or dating someone who does not possess a love for the cinema experience, I miss pretty much everything and end up saying a lot of "Man, I wanted to see that!" as I walk through the New Releases aisle of the video store. (As an aside, I spent some time as a self-proclaimed movie snot and literally scoffed at my friends for heading to the New Releases aisle. Now I get legitimately excited when my dad wants to rent Lucky Number Slevin. The universe is laughing at me again.) But coming home from school all these years always means I can count on my parents taking me to a movie if we have time. And I fucking love them for it. But the one thing I don't get is this: my parents are intelligent people. They understand a lot about life, and academically they are clearly above average. But it's like no matter what movie they see, they have to reason through it on the carride home. And half the time they reason it out wrong! There is nothing more frustrating than trying to explain how simple the ending was while listening to them try and reason through all this subtext that just WASN'T THERE. I even had to listen to the whole family try and figure out the hidden meaning behind The Devil Wears Prada last night because they had just watched it on dvd. I hadn't watched it with them, thank GOD, so I just paid extra attention to my menu. Which I didn't mind doing anyway, because I fucking love menus.
Oy. Anyhow. Chinese/Japanese food + movie theater = happy Jews on Christmas.

I will admit to being spoiled on Christmas. Of the last 5 years, I spent the first 3 Christmases with the family of my boyfriend at the time. For those of you scoring at home, that was 3 different families in 3 different years. I never said pimpin was easy. I do love Christmas though, and getting "adopted" for the holiday is one of my favorite things. Something about trees and cookies and xmas music...yeah I admit it, I love it. Especially the tree! For the record though, moms, if your son brings a girl home for Christmas and it's the first time you're meeting her, no matter how much she likes the tree...don't offer to buy her first tree if she converts. As a general rule, we don't like that. Just FYI. I can't imagine why you would be surprised when your husband leaves you though...uhhh hypothetically speaking.
Two years ago my fam flew to Puerto Rico on Christmas. No complaints there.
As for last year, I honestly have no recollection of Christmas except for spending my whole winter break reeling from finding out Senor Fucktard DID fuck Skank Breath 2 months prior and trying to hide the fact that I knew until I knew what to say. I'm sorry, did "allegedly." Ugh. Moving on.
It does amaze me though how some people really view you differently as soon as they find out you're Jewish. It made me act out a little bit last nightat my best friend's house. She adopted me for Christmas so I joined her fam and their friends for the Xmas Eve festivities. And I found myself dropping way more "Well that's what you get for letting a Jew help decorate the tree" jokes than usual. I guess part of it is occasionally being like my dad and feeling the need to be the funny one in the room sometimes. But part of it was just wanting to make the jokes that everyone was thinking anyway. As a general rule, I almost NEVER feel different for being Jewish, since all of my schools have been fairly mixed, religion-wise, my entire life. But occasionally I find myself in a situation where I realize, hey, I'm the only Jew here. Which is funny, because I have surrounded myself with a lot of friends and dated a lot of guys over the years...and the general rule is Goy. Never dated a Jewish guy. Only a couple of my close friends have ever been Jewish. My best friend has called me an Anti Semite Semite. But she's an Anti Asian Asian so it all works out.
I had no point when I started typing so I'm not going to try and wrap one up now. My friend adopted me for Christmas and I fucking love her for it. Seriously, it really rocks getting adopted for the holiday, and much love to anyone who takes in a lonely Jew such as myself and gives her some cookies.

So. I made a point not to watch any sports today because they are fucking depressing me. But I'll be damned if it doesn't make me happy to see Ronny Turiaf's face under "Top Performers" on the dot-com's recap. As if that weren't enough, I turned on the NYJ/Miami game on the car radio post-theater just in time to hear New Mexico enter the game. So I guess I can't quit sports. Dammit though, I keep WANTING to.
E-mail from the Cavalier:
"El Knee du Nenad is not his el Friend!"
Thanks, pal.
Look, I'm not stupid. Some might say I'm too smart for my own good. Of course, by "some," I mean "I," but that is entirely besides the point. Anyway, Nenad was the ONE player the Nets could not afford to lose. Maybe second behind JKidd, but the fact remains that they don't have anyone to replace what he was doing. The big men off the bench left much to be desired to begin with, not to mention Uncle Cliffy is hurt AND old and who the hell else is supposed to step up and fill the freakin lane??? I mean is it time to push Mile Ilic and see what he's made of? They were trying to trade Collins before and clearly couldn't get much, and now they are desperate and...ugh. Does anybody want Jeff McInnis? I think his contract is expiring... Hello? Hello?? Anyway, I actually watched some of the game against the Bucks the other night and turned it off in disgust. Can I watch any of tomorrow night's game? Only time shall tell, my little friends, only time shall tell.

I went to the Giants game yesterday. And I have NOTHING to say on the matter. Tailgating in the cold for 4 hours is way less worth it when your team doesn't win. In fact, I'm pretty surprised the suicide rate in Cleveland isn't much higher.
I will say this- the only other Gmen game I ever went to was last year's extra home game against the Saints. A year made a big difference in terms of the parking lot fodder. September '05 - absolutely NO Katrina jokes. December '06 - ohhh thousands. You stay classy, NJ.
(So as not to sound high and mighty, when the camera crew visited a neighboring tailgate crew and made them sing some "12 Days of Christmas" nonsense like "10 winning seasons," I was the asshole who threw in my own "9 levees breaking," and immediately felt like a horrible person. I blame the mob mentality of the 30 hunting enthusiast rednecks I had joined. I hope hell is nice.)
The Giants can still make the playoffs. Kill me now.

To tie things up and bid adieu on this Jewy Christmas, here's a nice story I learned of in my local newspaper yesterday.
I never get involved in politics. I try never to talk about them if I can help it, as most people are way more informed than me, and even if I do have an opinion, I assume no one wants to hear it, because I sure as fuck don't want to hear theirs. But I would like to point out NY's 19th District's new Congressman-Elect. Because, although I can't find the article on the internet, the newspaper was nice enough to include this here picture in their article, which I recognized instantly as the "gayest album cover of all time," according to a forward I received from my friend awhile back. And I really really love when things like Congress and gay album covers come together in such nice synergy.

Happy holidays everyone :)

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