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Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Vroom, bitch.

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Having spent a significant amount of time in Bergen County, NJ the past 2 months, I have been reminded of a phenomenon that I had darn near forgotten about while living in the city for three years:
The mid-life crisis car.
Now, I grew up with several friends and a father who were into cars, in the sense that they had a fine appreciation for looking at, driving and especially rebuilding classic cars. Call me white trash if you must, but I had one of these in my garage for a few years and I'll be damned if it wasn't the most beautiful thing in the world to me at the time.
So I am not a grease monkey chick by any means, but I know enough to appreciate a hot car. And driving around suburbia the past 2 months, I have seen a LOT of hot cars. Mostly here and there in parking lots, a few driving past me on the ro-ad. And while I haven't gotten more than a passing glimpse here and there at a driver, I am 99.999% certain that each and every one of these vehicles is owned and operated by a male, age 40-55 years. Because men at this age hit their mid-life crisis or whatever, and this manifests itself in silly car purchases, where the car is beautiful, but the men are not. In fact, half of these men barely can squeeze their newish old man gut behind the wheel.
Which leads me to my point:
I recognize a sexy car when I see one. I do a double take, give a low whistle, and say, "That is a sick car."
HOWEVA.
That being said.
What's the point of these cars? Unless you're the type who has always liked going to car shows and rebuilding cars and the like, I don't really get it. Ostensibly it's to attract female attention and yada yada yada, release that mid-life tension in one way or another, yeah? Because it's not like they buy the cars to race them. You don't see a lot of random old dudes suddenly joining the NASCAR circuit. (Or do you? I admittedly know dick about NASCAR.)
So let me break it down this way.
Yes, I am attracted to your car.
No, I will not fuck your car.
No, I will not fuck you either.
Now maybe your money would be better spent on a nice vacation for just you and the wife, you dirty old man.

Friday, September 14, 2007

He's an all-star when he's masturbating, but when it counts, he fades to Bolivia

Who knew DerMarr Johnson's sex life was such a hot topic?

"I fucked a millionaire, but a bitch still broke."

DerMarr Johnson Mix

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The fact that NFL --> NBA = Groupe Upgrade, the value of playing in Italy, plus much, much more.

In fact...why, looky here: every single player.
Guess you can't make a ho a housewife after all....

Oh, and do enjoy the J.J. Redick entry, from which the title of this post came.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

If I get too surly, will you take that in stride?

I was told to share this picture with the masses.
Yeah, that's right...I'm bringin' Mexi back.
I was gonna just post it right up here, but on second viewing I noticed it was somewhat NSFW.

Am I going to start blogging again soon? I think, yes.
Basically, my life has been disgustingly boring. Job hunt, apartment hunt, live with parents, yada yada. And I assume no one wanted to hear about the boring family vacation ("When told to pay attention to the surroundings because we were driving over the Golden Gate Bridge, I noted it was not unlike driving over the George Washington Bridge...only painted in the lovely 'International Orange' color indicated by a random tour guide.") or how my family has decided I'm a terrible person ("You're a bitch and you're ruining your relationships with all of us. You can be bitchy, but not more bitchy than we are to you. You go too far." That's a paraphrase, but the general gist.) and certainly not my utter futility at procuring long-term employment (...no, I don't even have a parenthetical since I haven't heard from one place I've sent resumes to.) or how much it sucks trying to find apartments in NYC.

As for the sports blogging, there are about a hundred quality Yankees blogs out there, not to mention that team barely made me feel anything positive all season up until Joba's dad was crying in the stands the other night. You can only call Mike Mussina the c-word so many times before you're stuck in a rut.
And the USA Basketball business...you'll have to forgive me if I wasn't having an orgasm like the rest of the NBA junkies over the new "Dream Team." But as a Nets fan who spends the majority of every season and the entire postseason worrying about Kidd's legs being "fresh" and him having to play close to 48 minutes per game and needing to get him some rest and seeing him literally fade down the stretch of those long playoff series because the former haven't happened...it's frustrating. Obviously you can't tell players not to play in the international competition (or if you can, you shouldn't be able to) but it is aggravating to see a player who rest has been such a concern for...not. The rest of the Eastern Conference improved. It's gonna be a long season, and an even longer post-season, if they even get there....

And the Giants. I was going to blog about them a bit, but then they drove me to drink. Again.
So glad football season is back....

Anyway. Yeah. I'll be back, possibly sooner, probably later.

In the meantime, just try not to watch this and fall off your chair laughing at the 1 minute mark: