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Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Vroom, bitch.

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Having spent a significant amount of time in Bergen County, NJ the past 2 months, I have been reminded of a phenomenon that I had darn near forgotten about while living in the city for three years:
The mid-life crisis car.
Now, I grew up with several friends and a father who were into cars, in the sense that they had a fine appreciation for looking at, driving and especially rebuilding classic cars. Call me white trash if you must, but I had one of these in my garage for a few years and I'll be damned if it wasn't the most beautiful thing in the world to me at the time.
So I am not a grease monkey chick by any means, but I know enough to appreciate a hot car. And driving around suburbia the past 2 months, I have seen a LOT of hot cars. Mostly here and there in parking lots, a few driving past me on the ro-ad. And while I haven't gotten more than a passing glimpse here and there at a driver, I am 99.999% certain that each and every one of these vehicles is owned and operated by a male, age 40-55 years. Because men at this age hit their mid-life crisis or whatever, and this manifests itself in silly car purchases, where the car is beautiful, but the men are not. In fact, half of these men barely can squeeze their newish old man gut behind the wheel.
Which leads me to my point:
I recognize a sexy car when I see one. I do a double take, give a low whistle, and say, "That is a sick car."
HOWEVA.
That being said.
What's the point of these cars? Unless you're the type who has always liked going to car shows and rebuilding cars and the like, I don't really get it. Ostensibly it's to attract female attention and yada yada yada, release that mid-life tension in one way or another, yeah? Because it's not like they buy the cars to race them. You don't see a lot of random old dudes suddenly joining the NASCAR circuit. (Or do you? I admittedly know dick about NASCAR.)
So let me break it down this way.
Yes, I am attracted to your car.
No, I will not fuck your car.
No, I will not fuck you either.
Now maybe your money would be better spent on a nice vacation for just you and the wife, you dirty old man.

2 Comments:

  • At 10:43 PM, Blogger SlanginChamp said…

    I should show my dad your post. He bought a Porsche Boxster S and cannot stop talking about how many women look at his car. I usually respond with a "Um, they are looking at the car" but he refuses to believe it. Your also right, he is kind of fat and age 43. I guess he enjoys looking cool, and wants one last chance to attract women before age 50 comes around.

     
  • At 3:11 PM, Blogger Big Tex said…

    the quarter life crisis car is a far better purchase than the midlife crisis car. I'm saving my nickels and selling my pog collection for a 93' black miata that the license plate reads "DOUCHE"

     

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