Tom Washington hates my mom.
So I sat down to watch the Nets while I waited for my mom to bring home my sister and dinner. It was only supposed to be temporary, but I have this habit of getting sucked into things that are doomed to end badly....
Did I make a few notes during the game? You betcha.
I was extremely pleased to be listening to Ian Eagle call the game. Fantastic name, super fantastic announcer.
Useful information during the pregame festivities- Sheed makes half-court shots when he's warming up, TJ passes his dad the ball during warm-ups, and Mikki Moore gets the start tonight.
And I don't know who this Nancy Newman is doing pre-game and halftime reports but she's ALL botoxed out. I think. Or just really...weird...lookin....
Cliffy might be back in 2 weeks...isn't he a little old to rush back? I mean, no jokes here, the older the get the longer it takes to recover from these things, no? Either way...this is one gimpy fucking team.
Red jerseys = confusing.
They looked horrible in the first quarter. Just terrible. It seemed like all 5 match-ups on the floor the first few minutes were mismatches. Mismatches, may I add, that were easily exploited by Detroit, most notably Sheed, who had a monster freaking 1st quarter. I can't find the line but it was something ridiculous like 16-4-2-2. Yeeeesh. All I know is the Nets looked absolutely lost on defense, or maybe just confused? I had it pegged for a 40 point blowout after the first 5 min.
Not to get all Bill Simmons on you, but after dinner I settled in to watch the 2nd half w/ my mom. I kind of figured...when do I get the chance to watch a Nets game with someone who has watched a few Nets games, let alone pretty much every game? I can't even find someone to watch a game with me period. Within the first minute, we had this exchange:
Becky: Josh Boone is one ugly motherfucker.
Mom: I was just thinking that.
She's not prim and proper or anything, but my mom is usually pretty polite and normal. So I enjoy when she says things like, "That Rasheed Wallace is a CRAZY motherfucker." I blame myself, I do.
Along the lines of my thinking that TJ is too old to be cute anymore, we quickened our descent into hell by making fun of his full stache a bit...and then every time he was shown on screen we giggled our motherfuckin heads off.
Ian Eagle mentioned the "pained look" Vince has had on his face the last few games. That's the "Wince" look I like to allude to. Where he looks all worried/constipated/sad, trying to get sympathy from the refs or the fans or I don't know who but Vince? It's fucking stupid.
The guys mentioned that Dale Davis has been playing in the league for 16 years. This prompted my mom to mention he has come up in some Nets trade rumors, but she doesn't know anything about him. Which prompted ME to say, "He's been playing for 16 years and you know nothing about him...what does that tell you?" Mom's response: "He's old?"
Marcus Williams and Antoine Wright and Boki didn't get in the game at all. I wonder what the hell Lawrence Frank is doing? He seems to be picking rotations by picking names out of a hat. And only 8 names at that. I just don't get it. Neither does he apparently. Blah.
My mom really loves that fucking Bacardi commercial where everyone is doin "The Mojito." It's really stupid, and she dances every time it comes on. Ugh.
As much as she loves the Mojito, she hates Vince. Literally, she said "I hate him" about 30 times throughout 1 half of a basketball game. Sometimes it's nice not to live at home anymore. Because it's not so much, "I hate him," as, "I HATE HIM!!!" Fun.
As much as my mom hates VC, I hate my sister playing her guitar upstairs really loudly. Cody's + Michael McDonald > my house + sister's guitar music.
Seriously, she's really talented and all but...stop it.
Commercial for Mike & the Mad Dog where random people on the street go "Aaaaaaaaaaaa" like Mad Dog = WORST. COMMERCIAL. EVER. And I REALLY mean that.
My mom commented that Teyshaun looks like Curious George. I called her a racist. She got defensive, because she is not, in fact, a racist. However, I called her one for the rest of the game. I am so lovely.
Not only did my mom explain how much she hates Vince Carter, she also called him an "asshole" who constantly "dances around with the friggin' ball until he gives it up." And apparently she believes very strongly that in crunch time, Vince is likely to do "stupid things over and over and over again." I think she might just be getting bitter as time goes on though because she said how much she thinks Collins sucks. And I have said for YEARS how much Collins sucks, and she always defended him. Now? I say "Man he sucks." She says "Ya think?"
Speaking of Collins, Ian Eagle called him a "scoring machine" when he had 11 points. Sick one. He finished w/ 14. That's huge for him.
This commercial for the Versus Invitational with the gay (I think?) cowboys really throws me for a loop. No joke here. Just...what the fuck???
When I ended a serious relationship a couple years ago, I joked to my best guy friend (and fellow diehard NBA fan) that I was done with serious relationships and only going for short-lived flings/non-serious endeavors by saying, "10-day contracts only." His response, which I used as an away message for months was, and I quote: "Ha! You're gonna bang a bunch of Eddie House and DerMarr Johnsons!" You can only imagine my excitement when House landed on the Nets.
My mom did have kind words for RJ: "He always makes the right decisions." Not so fast, Ma.
Speaking of RJ and right decisions, not to revisit this whole bi-rumor-dealie, but I have it on 3rd hand information from someone who works for the NBPA that they "know that RJ is gay and they've been preparing for it and [are] trying to get the timing right for him to announce it." My source has been wrong before. But I'm just sayin.
So Yao is out for a bit, which is sad except for the Nets playing against Houston manana sans Nenad. And when I think about it, I have never met a Rockets fan in my life. I followed them for a bit in the mid-90s for no apparent reason. And I've never been to Texas. It just seems weird though. Dallas and San Anton fans seem to be all over the place, but even in the wide world of blogs I can't really remember hearing from too many Houston fans. Or like...any. Not that I care. It just struck me as odd. Yeahhh I'm rambling.
At some point in the 4th quarter of the game, JKidd was bringing the ball up the court and Ian Eagle mentioned that Larry Frank quickly called a play for him. Then Kidd got double teamed, maybe triple...and threw the ball to Collins a couple feet inside the 3-point line and Collins threw the ball up and actually made the shot...and call me crazy, but I don't think that was the play.
With a few minutes left, Josh Boone fouled out. And he actually had 6 points and 12 boards? Those are like Tyson Chandler numbers. There's hope for the kid yet. My mom and some of the Nets writers have high hopes for him, but anyone I talk to who watched him play in college swears he's a bum who will never amount to anything. I guess we will find out very soon which is true.
At this point, I am fairly certain when Vince drives the lane, he never has the intention of trying to take a shot in the first place. He kind of just careens wildly and hopes someone fouls him.
Why is it that any free throw that touches the rim first requires an announcer to say the player "gets the roll?" Sometimes, it doesn't roll. Sometimes it JUST BOUNCES.
So with something like 30 seconds left on the clock and a 1 point lead, JKidd held the ball for a few seconds to run the clock down a bit...and then just dribbled and launched up an ill-advised jump shot. No plays called (that I know of), no plays run. Clearly he missed, Billups took the ball down the court, got fouled and made both shots, giving the Pistons the lead w/ like 7 seconds left. Soooooo they called a time-out, my mom made fun of Flip Saunders's twitching problem and then predicted a Vince "fuck-up" to end the game.
And then...I mean what the fuck??? I thought it was an offensive foul at first, but after seeing the replay just once I could tell Sheed fucking FLOPPED. So not only WAS there contact in the first place, it caused Sheed to FLOP because of said CONTACT...and ugh. Just, UGH. Just. Fucking. Terrible. And Lawrence Frank agrees, yelling "FUCKING HORRIBLE" as he is physically restrained on his way off the court. And Tom "WWE Ref" Washington just decided who won the game. Fucking fuck. Ian Eagle sums it up nicely by saying, "And it's been that kind of season for the Nets." Freaking fantastic.
In his post-game interview, LFrank is restrained and points out that never in the history of the game have they (the refs) reversed a call. Now I don't know if this is true...and it must be...at least in the case of a non-call? But like...why the fuck not? The refs have notoriously ruined/determined some potentially phenomenal games, especially in recent years. And isn't there ANYTHING Stern can do about it? Some way to hold officials accountable for their calls/non-calls, at least in extreme situations?? Nothing can be done about this? I don't know. It just seems like so many Nets games ALONE have been determined by bad officiating, not to mention the other 29 teams in the league. And with some non-fans claiming the terrible refs are one of the main reasons they DON'T like the NBA...it just seems like something could/should be done, no?? I don't know. I'm fucking ranting.
The sports gods clearly hate me. They dropped A-Job on me, pull painful puppet strings w/ the GMen every week, and the Nets debacle is just the latest "Fuck you, Becky."
Soooooooooooooo yeah. That was fun. At least after the game, the dynamic YES Network showed GMC Trucks Presents: CenterStage: Ice-T. Fannnnntastic.