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Thursday, November 30, 2006

Quitters never win (but sometimes lazy people do). And Scoop Jackson is a hack.


I walked past the bar before and almost walked in to watch the Bengals/Ravens game. But I persevered. I went and got my food and came home and baked brownies. Yes I am a sports fan, but I am a wiz in the kitchen as well.

I will confess, I monitored Pistons/Heat while I was baking, and I am watching a bit of Lakers/Jazz. If it makes anyone feel better though, I really have no idea what a 1-2-2 zone looks like.

Does Luke Walton have a new tat? I am DIGGING his new 'do. I would totally do him now. (See? Sports fans can be girly too.)

OK so about that...
This all coincided w/ a little discussion over at KSK earlier, so I wanted to expand a bit on where I'm coming from here.

I'll be honest, I never had any intention of really quitting watching sports. I just LIKE them. I'm pretty disgruntled w/ the GMen though (almost as disgruntled as they are w/ each other apparently...) and the Nets are either the best bad team out there or the worst good team. Until I figure out which I'm going to need to watch them sparingly. In all honesty though, it's really just that I can't be sitting in a bar watching bball when I have a paper/presentation due on Monday and 4 finals starting 1 week later. Even so though, if I'm writing my paper at the last minute on Sunday (which is more than likely) I will still end up in the student lounge every 15 min or so checking up on the Bumbling Big Blue.
I guess the advice though is not to talk about sports so much around a guy you just met and are interested in. Which may or may not have something to it. It really depends on the guy.
I've had my experience w/ the whole range of this situation:
Junior year of college I dated a total non-sports fan. I was constantly accused of emasculating him but he didn't really care. To him, history and politics were the most important thing in the world, and sports were trivial. He played a lot of Madden, but that was the only thing remotely even close. I mean he would be playing Madden on Sunday and I would be like, helloooooo there are ACTUAL GAMES GOING ON. We went to FL together for spring break and while we were getting ready to go out, we had a little remote control war, where he would leave the room and I would turn on the NCAA Tournament (it was the Sweet 16!) and when I would leave the room he would turn on CNN. Granted we were about to invade Iraq, but...Sweet 16!!! Anyway, he didn't care that I knew about sports and he didn't. He really didn't care at all.
The guy I dated senior year of college was a big sports fan. And he did hate that I was into sports too. Once he openly chastised me for saying "K-Mart is so nasty," back when he was. But he knew way more about sports than I did. He just didn't like the idea of a girl being so into it. He would start these little fights during games, about a call or something like that, just to start them. He made me cry over the "Was Jason Collins' foul on Tim Thomas intentional?" issue he got so mean about it. He would constantly quiz me about where players went to college and what college's mascots were. He knew a lot more about sports than I did, and that was fine, and I never tried to show him up. He really hated when I beat him in sports trivia on the MegaTouch though. (As a side note, I'm a fucking CHAMP at the naked lady game, or PhotoHunt for the uneducated.) But when I beat him it was due to luck, and he knew it, but it still killed him. He didn't like dating a girl that liked sports and he was ultra ultra competitive with EVERYTHING so that was kind of just...the way it was.
The conceded Worst Person in the World, who I shall only refer to as Senor Douchebag (he referred to himself in the 3rd person as Senor Sexy Pants and Senor Pimp Juice and was totally serious....my version is way more accurate) was a sports fan. He was really into the NBA and the NFL but not so much baseball. I was much more into baseball than him, and prob wasted a couple Yankee tickets on him...but bless his heart, he was WONDERFUL in regards to the theme of this post. He didn't care one way or the other that I liked sports. Half of our relationship revolved around sending links to sports articles/columns to one another and we just sat around watching football on Sundays, and sometimes I knew more than him about something but it didn't matter at all. To be fair he make sure to be dominant and abusive in every other aspect of my life, but the sports thing...he was perfect with. So here's to you, Senor Douchebag, I am actually saying something nice about you. If/when I ever write about you again, you can't say I haven't been fair.

Annnnyway. I'm not going to stop watching sports to make boys like me. I might curb how much I talk about them at first though. It's too easy to fall into the "friend zone" I guess. When I asked this guy about this whole subject the other day he told me that he likes girls that like sports but if they are insane about it, that's a turn-off, citing a girl he liked that memorized the stats of all the Yankees every year who he stopped liking. He and I have hooked up sporadically and he said it was not an issue w/ me bc everything I had to say he was interested in (I send him links sometimes). But I pointed out that hey, we are just friends w/ benefits. He's not interested in me. Maybe if I hadn't been all "let's talk about the NBA whenever you come over" we wouldn't have the type of thing where we watch the end of a game and then hook up. I'm not really into him romantically anyway, but it's the principle of the thing. So the next time I meet a boy I like I am going to be cautious about saying how nasty Dwight Howard is. (He is a freaking beast though.)

I've never watched/talked about sports to impress a guy. I mostly watch games alone. This has even caused me to drink alone (thanks again, GMen) which I'm pretty sure makes me an alcoholic. It's not like I say to myself, "Hey, if I talk about sports he will think I am SO COOL and REALLY DIG ME." It just so happens that I literally read sports blogs/stories all day long, so it's a big part of my conversational matter. With friends, family, etc. If I had a dime for every time I tried to teach a girl friend about sports so I could have a conversation with them about it...well I'd have a few bucks but it still would have been futile.

I'm not great at being a girl. The subject of engagement rings has come up a few times in the last month or so and I'll be honest. I don't know a THING about cut or clarity or setting. And I only learned TODAY that those are what that stuff is called. Some girl was telling me about the ring she wanted (note: she is single) and asked me what kind of ring I wanted and all I could come up with was, "I'm really in the mood for a doughnut actually...."
But I am not a total tomboy. I like cooking and shopping and The OC and cute underwear.
It's a weird little dichotomy. But it's me and I can't really help it.

I changed my mind on Luke Walton.

In other news, Scoop Jackson is a hack. I mean we always knew he was a moron and a terrible writer (and BOJANGLER!), but now he is a hack as well.
And I will NOT link to a Scoop Jackson "column." If you're not reading the Yay! and actually want to read anything written by Scoop...well just go away. Seriously.


And to put on my girl hat as a post script...I wrote a paper for my Queer TV class (who else misses college???) about the HoYay (that's internet slang for "Homoeroticism, Yay!") on The OC, and I have to say that I thought the insomnia scene in tonight's episode was going to go in a COMPLETELY different direction.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

I quit sports.

So I was going to go to the bar tonight to watch the Nets because I feel they have not won since the last time I did that...but I'm not feeling well. Oh...and I quit watching sports. Between the Nets dropping 6 straight and the professional football team from NY whose name I refuse to mention that wears the color blue...I'm done. I'm off. I'm officially quitting cold turkey. Also, Monday night my newly appointed Dating Guru informed me that hey, guys don't actually LIKE girls that like sports. They want to "teach" girls about sports and feel like it's "their" thing and yada yada.

Let me digress for a moment. Totally coincidentally, last night I watched My Boys on TBS. While I was aware the main character may share certain traits with myself, the sole reason I watched the show was the brilliant Jim Gaffigan. My assessment: the show blows. I didn't so much as crack a smile, let alone a giggle or guffaw. There was not one single funny joke in the show. It was like they said, "Jokes? We don't need jokes! The premise itself will absolutely CARRY this show. A girl who likes sports! It's so zany!!!" Ugh. And then they waste the talent of the brilliant Jim Gaffigan by writing some hackneyed "whipped husband" role for him where the idea of a funny joke was one of the other characters asking him, "Do you miss your balls?" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG THAT IS SOOOOOOOO FUNNY I'VE NEVER HEARD ANY JOKES LIKE THAT HAHAHAHA HE'S WHIPPED IT'S SO FUNNY SO THEY PRETEND LIKE HIS WIFE HAS HIS BALLS BUT THEY ARE TOTALLY JOKING AND THAT'S THEIR GROUP DYNAMIC HAHAHAHAHAHA SO FUNNY!!!!!!
Anyway. I won't be watching this show again. Unless TBS hires new, funny writers. And utilizes the brilliant Jim Gaffigan in a way that his comedic genius deserves.

Anyhow, back to the point. Or a point. I don't really know.
I realize I have been going about this whole "dating" thing all wrong, in various ways and to differing degrees, ever since I broke up w/ the fantastic guy I dated in college. (If he was so fantastic, why did I break up with him? Long story short, I was not ready to deal w/ all the bullshit that came from his family, so I sabotaged things a little bit. He's a great guy, and I hope things go really well for him.) Over the last 2 years, I have screwed things up w/ a few guys. This has been partially due to the fact that I forget I'm not in college anymore. In undergrad it was totally normal to form healthy and long-lasting relationships out of a couple months of meeting up drunk at the end of the night. Some of these relationships still exist to this day. So w/ the dorm environment I live in and the drinking 5 nights a week and hanging out w/ so many people that act like they are still in college too, it's tough to remember sometimes that we are supposed to be playing by a whole different set of rules than those that applied just a few years ago. Which brings me to the main problem I have. I don't play games. It's not that I'm mature (I am most certainly not). And it's only partially that I have little patience for it. I'm actually a pretty patient person, when it comes to boys in which I am interested. I have very low bullshit tolerance for my friends, but am exceedingly lenient when it comes to the objects of my affections. (Hencetoforth I dated the conceded Worst Person in the World on and off last year. That's a whole separate post.) It's really just that I'm stupid. I don't realize it's a type of "game" boys and girls play where one must posture and feign and all that good stuff. I just go, "Well I like him and I think he likes me so I'll (answer the phone, hang out w/ him the first time he asks, text him to meet up, etc. etc.)." I don't think to myself, "I need to tell him I'm busy the first 2 days he asks if I'm available so that he thinks I am very busy and important." But apparently this is the way you gotta play things. After realizing I probably screwed things up w/ Drunk Boy, the way I did w/ several others in the last couple years, I was just having a little pity party for myself in my IM window w/ my good buddy Spilly. So Spilly takes it upon himself to be my Dating Guru and starts setting out the rules for me. Involving all that "don't make yourself too available and don't hang out w/ him the first time he asks and don't sleep w/ him for 3 dates" stuff. But his big thing he started lecturing me on was, "Don't talk about sports." Apparently guys hate it because it's not cute or sexy at all and they want it to be their thing and they want to be able to teach us about it and blah blah blah blah BLAH. And I was totally writing it off, only then the cross-eyed bitch in that show said the same thing, and I got a little concurrence from another couple guy friends and...well anyway.

I think it's total bullshit, but it's worth a shot I guess. Considering I have given up on the NBA and the NFL simultaneously. Of course it's tough to meet guys when you are trapped in the library for the next month anyway, so it's a moot point.

As I told my sister and my friends the other day, I'm giving up on the bullshit that is pseudo/developing/whatever "relationships." The new P.O.A. - straight ho-in'.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Suzy Homemaker

I should be showering and helping my mom in the kitchen, but my magic number to make the playoffs in my fantasy league is 1 and I have Roy Williams and Marty Booker going right now. While many weeks I hate my team, so far today they are making me very very thankful.
Keep it up, boys!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.




Update 1:45 p.m.: Yes I realize I just jinxed myself.

The smell of wine and cheap perfume....

I've never tried writing a blog post drunk. Better late than never, bitches.

I wish I did not come home and immediately think to myself, "Heyyyy, what can I eat?!"

It goes without saying, but it is really not a preferable thing to run into someone you had completely forgotten existed in the first place and then have to make small talk. "Soooo what are you doing these days?...........Wow that sounds really interesting! That's so great for you!..........Oh well actually I'm _________..........Yeah you know how it is..........Totally.........So-and-so is doing nothing with himself? Wow that's such a shock! He was always such a go-getter!............" And so on and so forth. Yes, it goes without saying, but these conversations are completely unnecessary and annoying.
"I wish it had gone without saying, but you don't seem to shut up, do you???"

A shitty bar in a shitty suburb is a completely unacceptable place to have a bartender pull the "charge 3 top shelf shots on your tab and pretend like you won't know you didn't order them" move on you. This is of course operating under the assumption that said bartender does not remember making out with you in that doorway 4 years ago. Because you sure don't.... Which gives YOU plenty to be OK with about in terms of you blowing off his phonecalls for the next month. Ummmm hypothetically speaking of course.

The whole tab-paying fiasco prevented me from really enjoying the Naked Lady Game extravaganza. Another strike against you, Ireland's.

The booze always hits me right as I get home, thus preventing me from using it as an excuse for saying/doing things I really want to do but should not under normal circumstances. Well, as an effective excuse anyway.

My parents were supposed to tape Dexter for me all these weeks that I have been sans Showtime. I think they got weeks 2 and 5. Um...thanks.

The Nets suck. I was able to get that much from the crappy little TVs at Ireland's. So did my roto team tonight. But that didn't stop Ass Clown (see below) from offering me Ricky Davis for Ben Wallace straight up. Go fuck yourself, Ass Clown. Go fuck yourself a lot.

OK, I don't know if anyone reads this (except for my one adorable stalker...hey you!) but if anyone does, and happens to be aware of what exactly a "super 2" is and what that means in terms of arbitration eligibility...I would really appreciate a tip. "A super 2 is treated the same as a 3+" means something to me...only not really. I get the concept but what the hell do those things mean? Consider this my plea.

Not to be a downer, but...I found out tonight my grandmother has breast cancer. TBD whether or not it's operable. Fingers crossed. Love you Nan.... :(

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Who that man in a black sedan....


Thanks to the random dude I hung out w/ over the weekend who was enough of a drunk that he played his idea of the "best song ever" for me 6 times because he didn't remember playing it any of the first 5 times...it's been in my head for 4 straight days. At this point, I'm willing to admit it: this guy rocks. Then again, it could just be from all the repetition.... Anyway, if I never see you again, Drunk Guy, thanks for that.

But that's not why we are here.

Fun fact: I am a regular at Cody's now. Not sure this is a good thing. But the waitress (who is really very nice) actually made a point to come over to me and say, "Hey, you come in here a lot, don't you?" So that's fun.
I went there to watch the GMen get their asses completely whooped (the score really did not do justice to how completely awful they were) and was planning on staying to watch the rest of the Nets game I made the substitute bartender put on for me...only my friend who I dragged with me kept trying to make me feel better about the sand in Eli's vagina by saying "Hey, look...the Nets are winning! That's good!" And the dirty looks I was giving her were not deterring her and even my not-so-subtle "They're gonna blow that lead, shut UP" comments were not doing the trick...and by the time MNF ended, the lead was down to 2, so I said "I'm not sticking around to watch them blow a big lead and lose" because I was so pissed off at the freaking Giants and it ended up being the right call. I'm not discussing the travesty that is currently NYG football. As for the NJN, really...it's early. No need to bug out yet.... RJ looks OK in limited time. I think he should ease back in. Mikki should play more, at least while Cliffy is out. And it is scary as hell to have the channel turned to the game and see Nenad leaving the game w/ an ouchie (TM: The Cavalier). Anyway, I'm home in RoCo until Sunday, not just with the YES Network but also with LEAGUE PASS BITCHES. So maybe I'll have something to say, in lieu of starting my paper.

Anyhow, in honor of travelling through both Grand Central AND Port Authority today and pretty much realizing I hate everyone that comes within 50 yards of me, I am going to give a shout-out to 2 people that really ESPECIALLY pissed me off in the past week.

To a dude we will only call "Ass Clown":
Actually, I don't even know his real name bc he's just a dude in my roto NBA league and I only know one other person in the league. But he is an ass clown, so that is what he will be called. Now, I have since been calmed down from my fantasy league inspired rage, but I just wanted to have a little closure on the matter. Ass Clown is the guy in the league that has a crappy team but constantly makes trade proposals to everyone that only a completely moron would accept. It's well known in the league apparently. I probably get one or 2 proposals from Ass Clown every day or so. So Ass Clown posts on the message board that he really needs a center and wants to trade VC for him. He simultaneously makes me 2 offers, asking for Okafor and DH and Kobe in a couple combos and offering me the likes of VC, Ricky Davis, and C-Webb. I'm used to this kid's crap trade offers so I just reject them w/out any comment or anything but offer him straight up Big Ben for VC. He writes back to reject and says "Make a FAIR offer" and then offers me another one of his crap combos. Then he immediately goes on the message board and posts "Wallace for Carter HAHAHA CLASSIC OFFER" like a freaking infant. Not even like that's a bad offer when you are admittedly desperate for a center, but who airs out trade proposals on the message board? And then he posts a couple more times to make a "fair" offer, so I end up getting all pissed off and shooting off a slightly bitchy post, and then we are going back and forth, with him telling me VC is so much better than Kobe and Wallace sucks and I should trade Okafor bc he's going to get hurt anyway and Wallace isn't even a top center and yada yada I went off on him bc he's a damn moron. If you love VC so much and think Kobe sucks, why do you want to make that trade so badly? And if I should be "grateful" you would take my "injury-prone" center, why on earth would I want to take WINCE off your hands? For MAMBA no less. Then to be funny he kept offering me shit players for Okafor AND DH and then in a really "funny" move offered me his whole team for Okafor after I told him I would be refusing to deal with him from here on out. Anyway. Just being a moron and drawing my ire is enough to warrant him this shout-out.
Ass Clown: sorry for posting bitchy responses on the message board; I should have just let my guys' stats and the league standings speak for themselves. Nice pickup of Garbajosa though. He's sure to put you over the top.

As an aside here...PMSing and posting on the fantasy league message board is not a good idea. I fully understand at this point why guys don't want girls in the fantasy league. So...I apologize.

To a girl we will just call "C-Rag":
Seriously, after being forced to drink $35 worth of liquor for a 4 hour open bar when you only arrived in time for 1.5 hours, I am not the most patient person in the world. Although, to be fair, I am not the most patient person to begin with. Whatever. Not the point. ANYWAY. I run into my friend at a point very late in the night when I am tired of having elbows/drinks/broken glasses flying everywhere around me and sigh, "I need to get out of here, at this point I just hate everyone here." C-Rag overhears and decides to get all loud w/ me to her friend, all "THIS girl hates everyone at the party, THIS girl hates us, we better go," all sarcastic and bitchy-like. And New Becky (bear with me...I made a resolution a couple months ago to not be SUCH a hater) has been attempting to be more patient and less bitchy, so first I tell her she heard me wrong. She says "No, I heard EXACTLY what you said." So I say, "Well you took it out of context." And C-Rag replies, "No, I heard what you said and I KNOW what you meant." Keep in mind I was not even addressing her skank ass. But I'm still trying to be civil and diffuse the situation because I really was just exhausted by an entire weekend of binge drinking and wanted to go home. Then C-Rag's Generic Friend #1 asks what's wrong, so I say very matter-of-factly, not at all trying to be inflammatory, "Your friend is being a bitch for no reason. I don't know why." So C-Rag gets her panties ALL in a bunch and starts doing the chicken strut/squawk thing going "What??? Did you just call me a bitch?" New Becky has fled at this point so I told her yes, yes I did call her a bitch, because she was ACTING like a fucking bitch. So she gets in my face, I get in her face, and really at this point I was pretty close to just jacking her in the face...in all fairness she was probably right there too. And it's really not important who would have won in a fight (note: I would have) because our mutual friend, on a "We have a tight situation developing over here" tip, came over and literally picked her up and carried her away from me. In retrospect that was probably a good thing. But the issue is this: if you are acting like a bitch and by all accounts trying your hardest to be bitchy and butt into people's business and piss them off...well don't get all up in arms when someone says "Hey, you are a bitch!" Me personally, if I'm being bitchy and someone calls me a bitch, I'm going to say, "You're damn right I'm a bitch, now get the fuck out of my face." I have a rule (coined after dealing with a 2-faced skank from my school who was nice to my face and was a horrible person behind my back...she knows who she is) and it is as follows: If you are going to be a bitch, own it. That's all. Just...own it. Don't be fake nice, don't pretend you're not.
So this is for you, C-Rag, your own very special shout-out:

OWN IT.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Mothafuckin Snakes Yo


Via NetsDaily, SI has
a little feature about Mikki and his reptile fetish.
Mikki inspired Robert Swift to get 8 pythons. One must then wonder if Mikki helped to inspire Swift's sexy new tats. I hope and pray. Anyway, with any luck, along with all the free time during recovery from that pesky torn ACL, Swift can surpass Mikki for the NBA's top Crazy Snake Guy. Dare to dream, Robert. Dare to dream.

I had very strong desires to skip class and go to happy hour near my office and watch the games tonight, but...well no one bit at the HH bait. So I'm in class. And I'm going to Cody's afterward. Alone. Both with and against my better judgment, if that's possible. I say it is.

So Wince has "flu-like symptoms" and might not play and Nenad is getting an MRI on his bruised knee manana. Good times! Even a loss will beat doing my professional responsibility reading.

This RJ situation is playing out exactly as I'd suspected. Over the weekend they're saying 8 weeks. Monday they say he'll play Wednesday. Yesterday they say he'll play this weekend. IT IS A LONG SEASON RJ, RELAX YOURSELF. Pretty please?

Currently getting dirty looks from classmates for giggling over this.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Ladies and gentlemen of the SUPPOSED jury...

Yeah I'm supposed to write a summation for my Tues trial ad class, and I was supposed to do it this weekend, and um...yeah I haven't done shit.

So I sort of dropped off on this whole blog-writing thing pretty quickly. I'm not surprised. No one else should be either. Well no one else reads this. But still.

Some thoughts on last week, and why I'm really glad a new week has finally started.

Monday was easily a very bad day. Actually, the day was not bad, but the night was just el terrible. In my first class I spilled coffee on my laptop, because I am a genius. Then in between classes I spilled it all over myself, and my jacket, because I am a quick-learning genius. Then in my second class (8 p.m.) I was trying to munch on some dry cereal because I had not eaten all day, and the first thing my prof says is "NO EATING IN CLASS" while he points at me, as he is a total douchefuck. So I get up in a huff to throw it out, because I am a not a brat at all. But I trip over my power chord and knock my laptop onto the floor, because I am incredibly graceful. Blar. So I sit through the most painfully boring and annoying class offered at my law school, and then after, Professor Fucktard decides he needs to lecture me about how he said the first day of class that there was no eating, and apparently me apologizing and telling him that I forgot was not going to stop him. Then of course he wanted to lecture me more about the email I had sent APOLOGIZING for being unprepared in the last class and explaining that I had fallen behind because I am so swamped w/ work from 7 classes and a job 3 days a week. Because he doesn't care, he has to expect me to do all the work for his pointless class, and my other professors should too! Well gee, Professor Fucktard, then maybe you shouldn't assign hundreds of pages in a casebook that we WON'T EVEN NEED TO LEARN FOR A FINAL BECAUSE YOU HAVE ASSIGNED A FUCKING TERM PAPER. And then the fun part? The heart of the lecture revolved around how one of my ass-kissing classmates CALLED HIM ON HIS CELL PHONE to COMPLAIN that I use the internet during class. Said classmate is VERY UPSET. I hope said classmate chokes on a pretzel. No one sits behind me, there are only 9 people in the class and we all sit around a big table and apparently someone across the table doesn't like that they can tell that myself and a couple other kids on my side of the table are on the internet during class. I'll be damned if I won't still be watching the GameCast of the Nets game tomorrow night. You fuck. And IT'S NOT EVEN A CURVED CLASS. So instead of being a tattle tale for the sake of helping your own grade, you were a tattle tale for FUN. I hope you are happy now, ass-kissing, cock-sucking classmate. But just so you know, SNITCHES GET STITCHES. Yup. Just ask Melo. I hate law school.

During the week I finished watching the first season of The Wire on dvd. True I am way behind, but I gradually fell in love w/ the show as I watched it, and I'll be damned if I didn't nearly cry when they killed Wallace. Anyway, I just ordered season 2 today.

Wednesday night I went back to the bar to watch Nets/Jazz. Unfortunately I made the mistake of telling a girl I am friendly w/ at school that she could meet me for a drink. This apparently meant chatting and catching up and really I was not able to pay as close attention to the first half as I would have liked. Also, she is the ex of my good friend and was completely psycho when they broke up and even went so far as to stalk ME. I always got along w/ her, but that was a bit much... She alluded to having acted crazy last year and I kind of just looked at her all "Noooooooooo...." Anyway she left at the start of the 3Q and I stayed on, alone. Then he came and met me afterward. I think he has accepted the fact that she could completely flip out again but really just likes the idea that he could sleep w/ her again, easily. I don't know. Law school is a lot like high school, only suckier. That's my expert analysis after 2.5 years, people. Write that down.
Anyway, the boys looked good, and I have a completely non-sexual crush on Marcus Williams because he freaking rocks my socks. Also, I have a potentially-slightly-sexual crush on Boki. True he is not of the light-eyed variety of men that I am normally drawn to, but he is tall and perhaps very attractive. And also, I might just need to find myself a man, because I am starting to sound pretty pathetic.
I also watched the Nets/Heat game Fri night because I ACTUALLY had it in my apt (thanks for not blacking it out, ESPN). I realized that night that the Nets had joined the NY Giants in the "teams that are trying to kill me" category. I have only those guys to blame if I end up w/ hypertension.
RJ's ankle...ugh. It's killing my Nets AND my freaking roto team. (Side note: I love my roto team. I've never done roto before and I find it to be much more fun than other types of fantasy bball. In fact, the way I have always drafted for other types of fantasy leagues was perfect. I'm just glad I never made the adjustments. Fucking up before is working out well for me so far now.)
I have kind of a fear that RJ will rush his recovery time. Everyone is always talking about how quickly he heals and yada yada yada, but...I dunno. I think he has issues w/ not wanting to take too much of a backseat to Vince and will come back sooner than would be wise. Last year during the playoffs, I knew a guy who was friends w/ RJ's roommate. And basically, RJ was calling him up to bitch about Vince taking too many shots. Greeeeaaaat. Look pal, I love you to death, but chill the F out, and let Vince be Wince (oh he was out in full effect last week) and you'll get your shots. Not saying you're wrong, but...well don't rush back from an injury because you're worried about your role on the team. Please. I beg of you. For some reason I see you pulling this shit anyway. Don't do it. Just heal.
I didn't get to watch the OT win over the Wiz, but I monitored it online. I tried to do work all day but it didn't happen...and then I let the Giants break my heart a bit. I won't say anything further about that. Anyway, I'm digging the twists and turns of this new ball plotline. Helping the Nets tie it up at the end of reg means tonight I am pro-new ball. Check back later, I'm sure that will change. JKidd just MIGHT avg a triple-double this season afterall. And Antoine Wright still has some work to do. But I am loving the current incarnation of this team. Even if they cannot beat Miami still.

I am currently watching It Takes Two. Don't ask me why. It's funny though to think about this movie, and the remake of The Parent Trap and realize how utterly skanky and whorish the little girls from both have become. OK I'll admit it: I like Lohan. Sue me. Classy she ain't, but she owns the shit. Also, she drops c-bombs on other skank celebs.

Took my sister to see Brian Regan last night. Very funny stuff, but not nearly as funny as the stuff on his cd. I think she had fun though, which makes me happy. I'm glad we are able to have a good relationship now, considering what a brat she was when she was little and how impatient I was with her. Then I made her go to a karaoke bar in Korea Town w/ me and one of my law school friends and his friends and man I do love it. I know I'm probably not very good at all, but holding the microphone and PRETENDING I rock hard is just too fun. It's funny though, my sister performs all the time in front of actual audiences and sings all sorts of crazy "I'm A Vegan!" and "Cats in Love" type songs and rocks the shit out of them...only in front of like 8 people in a karaoke room she gets all shy. I love her. She's too adorable. Oh, and FYI? I rocked the shit out of "Livin' on a Prayer." Don't front.

Hopefully this week will have less school/boy drama, and I won't be completely swamped at work...
Odds not in my favor.

Friday, November 03, 2006

BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK

So someone in my office, I will not say who, or where I work, but someone, asked me today to find the Harold Reynolds complaint that was filed earlier in the week.
A couple things to mention about this:
1) Truly a different generation I guess, because of the people looking for this, no one had apparently heard of The Smoking Gun. I knew legal research was different now, and all the older guys still love their books, but...weird. It took me all of 2 seconds to find it.
2) This leads to a conversation over who out in Bristol is probably very nervous over Harold's private investigator right about now. He mentions off hand, "You know...at all the events, Berman always has 2 or 3 bimbos with him...." I drop a "You're with me, Leather!" on him and he looks at me all perplexed like. So I have to explain it to him and offer to send him a link to explain. My computer keeps freezing up on the Deadspin search page though, so I just use google...and lo and behold! A Wikipedia page!!!
I love the internet.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Nets Opening Night baby!!!! And beer! Hooray beer!

Got to the bar and they put the game on for me…I missed the first 6 min or so. Settled in w/ some beer and wings, by myself. Some other solo fans of other teams strolled in after that. Apparently Cody’s is the hot “drink and watch bball alone” bar.

Didn’t really pay attention to much else during the first half except the game, my beer, and my food. Made some observations in the second half though....

To my left was a Knicks fan who has no cable yet. Nice guy, not annoying at all. To my right though… emo looking dude, there to watch the Sixers. Seemed nice enough. Not annoying. Kind of an older dude next to him though, there to watch the Celtics…and really just would not shut up.

Super Celtics Fan has lots of insight. Explained the whole “where whining to the refs thing” came from. Nice try dude, but the next time you want to pass some Bill Simmons knowledge off as your own, at least get it right. I’m pretty sure the column didn’t mention MJ in it. Also…Simmons? Really??? Oh, and he left midway through the 3rd quarter.

Emo Sixers fan comments to Superfan 99 that TJ Ford has “kind of a bad back.” Um, dude? They FUSED his VERTEBRAE together. I mean…!!!

Here’s a fun fact. After a couple hours I was a little buzzed. And I was wearing my tightest jeans, the only pair that it looks like I literally have to pour myself into. Don’t get me wrong, they look good, but are mildly uncomfortable. Well after a few drinks, I went to pee and I apparently feel I need to try and stretch them out before pulling them back up. Soooo they split right in the right crotchal area. Full vag exposure, and a dynamite day to be wearing my neon green underwear. Good job, Becky. Luckily I am a big fan of the layering look so was able to tie one of my 3 shirts around my waist, thus preventing the flash for all the other patrons. Fantastic times.

It’s weird to see TJ Ford in a Raptors jersey. I guess it’s weird to see any player who has been traded or signed w/ a new team in a different jersey, but this was a little more off than seeing Big Ben in a Bulls jersey. It might just be that it’s weird to see a player I like in a Raptors jersey. I do like Chris Bosh, but he actually looks like a velociraptor, so I’m fine w/ that.

Interesting post on TrueHoop about the T-Wolves earlier. I have to say I am more than a little curious about the story behind Wally Szczerbiak’s departure now.

OK so I’m trying not to be too ecstatic about the Nets so far, but…I mean they look GOOD. A little sloppy and rusty here and there, but damn. DAMN. Vince looks like a man on a mission. RJ looks like he’s ready to just go to work. Marcus Williams looks like the fucking man. Happy happy happy happy happy!

But yeah, sloppy. Some ridiculous discrepancy in the turnover department.

What’s the deal w/ the minutes Mikki Moore is getting? I can only assume he will have less once Uncle Cliffy comes back from his *ahem* suspension. But Mikki could be a great energy guy. I decide he’s fine w/ me after a sick dunk at the end of the 3rd quarter. Also, he really likes snakes.

Another Mikki Moore fun fact- he’s in on the skinny headband trend. Like what all the jappy girls were wearing a few years ago. I also have noticed Mike Dunleavy and Mike Miller getting in on this trend tonight.

Also, Mike Miller would make a really ugly chick.

My friend texts me to say “Boston Nachos is having a great night.” Great. I’ll be calling him that from now on apparently. Fucker.

Reminds me of my ex boyfriend from senior year of college…whenever Brian Scalabrine was on screen he would yell “TINY PEENIEEEE” bc that is what “Scalabrine” sounded like to him. I have done so out of instinct ever since. Thank God he’s not on the Nets anymore.

Former YES Network Nets pre- and post-game host Fred Hickman pops up for an SC commercial on ESPN and I’ll be damned if he doesn’t look like a cancer patient. What have they done to you, Fred? Maybe Stephen A. is just hogging all the snack food.

How is Sam Mitchell still employed?

OK they just showed a graphic showing how many games have been coached by the following coaches: Lawrence Frank, Doc Rivers, Sam Mitchell, Mo Cheeks, Isiah Thomas. I’m not sure what they were trying to show me. I guess that L-Frank has the longest tenure out of all those guys? He should quit just so he doesn’t have to be shown in that stellar lineup anymore. Great company.

I am enjoying this whole “Anthony Parker is Candace Parker’s brother and people know her better” angle. I called my friend to point it out to him (he was home watching the Knicks) and have a good chuckle over it. His response: “Oh…I thought he was Tony Parker’s brother.” Yeah Anthony Parker!

I wonder what the logic is behind playing JKidd and Marcus Williams together. I guess so Vince can sit down? I just thought the idea was so Kidd could actually get some rest. I guess it’s a learning experience. Fuck it, I don’t care, they both look goooood.

I really need sound to watch these games. It’s just not the same w/out hearing the PA guy go “JASONKIDD FOR THREEEEEEEEE!!!”

I also enjoy the “V!!! C!!! THREEEE!!!” call. I’m a nerd.

Did Eddie Jordan get hair plugs or something? Or is it just like Soul Glo or some shit? Something is off up there.

They have been taking great care of me at Cody’s…fantastic, friendly service. But the music leaves something to be desired. Michael McDonald? Yah Mo Burn this place to the ground.

I really wish I was able to order League Pass.

Boston Nachos for 3!!! Yeah that nickname’s not going away.

Boston Nachos is kind of cute? How did I miss that before? It must just be my not so secret obsession with nachos.

I notice the Knicks are up by 9. I must be drunk.

YES shows some Net fan children at the Meadowlands. They look scrubby. I’ve been to a CVS in NJ. I know they sell brushes and soap. Come on man.

You know…Jason Collins suddenly resembles a duck with cornrows. In fact, I used to own a Jason Kidd CelebriDuck, and this is pretty closely along those lines.

Fuck it man, if he’ll play better he can waddle around the court.

Oh, also? I want to punch the Nissan guy in the testicles. Maybe even kill him.

Of course he’s wearing a Guster shirt. I mean I liked them when I was a freshman in high school too, dude, but…I mean it’s 2006. I get that you are living out of your car now, but did you really not get out of your parents’ basement once in 10 years??

Wait, I’m confused. Is “The Return” an alternate title for “The Grudge 2?” I can’t tell w/ no sound. And it’s official: Sarah Michelle Gellar really isn’t all that cute.

With 6 min left, the Nets have opened up a 12 point lead. I’ve been watching this team long enough to be thinking “ah don’t blow it.”

OK, Vince actually even looks decent on the defensive end. Brian Fellows says, “That’s crazy!” But he will get beat off the dribble every single time. I’ll just accept this.

Maybe I’m ignorant of some sort of charity symbol or something, but…what the hell is that on Sam Mitchell’s lapel? I feel like it should be a flower, but it just looks like a red circle with a smaller black circle in the middle. The hell.

Mo Pete swipes Carter across the face, and…there’s the Whiny Vince Face!!! Gosh I missed it!

I really hate when I have to pee a lot and nobody calls a timeout.

JKidd 2 boards away from a triple-double at this point…he says he can average a triple-double this season. Fucking A. And then he gets it.

So TJ Kidd got a little, um…husky in the off-season. I think he’s past the “cute kid” age at this point. He seems more obnoxious now too. It’s official: you are not cute anymore. Stop dancing and sit down.

ESPN shows a commercial for MNF: Raiders vs. Seahawks! WOO!!!

Hassan Adams and Mile Ilic both come in for some garbage time. That’s the future right there, baby.

OK, Ilic looks completely and totally lost. He needs to be shown where to go for a Raptors free throw. And the face he makes as he waits for said free throws is a dead ringer for “little kid who has lost his parents in the mall and is about to sit down and start crying.” This team fucking rocks.

102-92 your final score! The Nets are 1-0! Yeah!!!

In the post-game they show a highlight from the pre-game festivities where Sly is running around with a big “BRING IT” flag. Sly bugs me. But the whole “BRING IT” ad campaign really gets me going. I’ve been enjoying it immensely over the past year.

I actually stick around to watch the rest of the Cavs/Wiz and Knicks/Grizz games. Feeling drunk and a bit chatty, I sympathize w/ the Knicks fan to my right. I even buy him a drink after the 2nd OT. Man am I glad I’m a Nets fan. The Knicks are ACTUALLY trying to kill their fans.

Your drunken walk home: BRING IT!

Actually managed to make it home w/out flashing the homeless guys my neon green undies. Successful night, all around.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Labor? I don't even know 'er!

If I had known tonight was "gloss over labor arbitration in one class" night I surely would skipped class and been drunk by tipoff.
I have already taken a labor law class. I have taken a class specifically about labor arbitration. I have taken a class specifically on collective bargaining. Oh, and in college? My major was industrial and labor relations.
Of course this is entirely my fault for not doing the reading and not even glancing at the syllabus to know what I was in for tonight. I just feel as if I am wasting my time right now. It's OPENING NIGHT PART DEUX!!!
As for liveblogging...yeah. Not happening. I'm far too new at this. I'll keep some tabs on the games though. We'll have to see how NBA-friendly the bar wants to be for me tonight. Hopefully it will be empty as usual.

Well hi.

In the past year, I have really become embroiled in the sports blogosphere. I know this does not make me "cool" and most likely is pretty lame. I enjoy off color humor and spend all my free time watching tv and sports (and drinking, but that's a whole separate issue). So it was suggested to me that I write my own NBA blog. Any asshole w/ a computer can write a blog, and I spend a good portion of my day reading/discussing the Association anyway, so why not? Anyway, I kind of laughed it off because while I think I'm hysterical, usually only I think so.

Well today I say fuck it. I'm an asshole with a computer too, so why can't I be an asshole with a blog too?
That was rhetorical.

I'm a huge NJ Nets fan. Have been all my life, there was nothing I could do about it. Hate the Knicks, always have, and the Swamp was just a short drive away from my suburban NY home. I got into basketball myself around the age of 8 and took it upon myself to get my dad to like it too, because let's be honest- who else was going to take me to games and buy me replica jerseys? So we were sad for Drazen, underwhelmed by O'Bannon, and optimistic about Yinka. Whoopdy damn doo, we cheered for DC and Kenny Anderson. We voted for Jayson Williams for the All Star Game. We posed for pictures with Super Dunk. My friends, my mom, and my little sisters came to games with us. We bought into the Calipari era. I cried when Sam Cassell was traded (he was always my favorite player). The players all came back fat and injury prone post-lockout. And we STILL kept going to games. I got to see Rodman head butt a ref in person. So there was that. But the competitiveness left much to be desired. But the games were fun and I loved watching all the NBA teams regardless. The rare years they made the playoffs, we went. Even if it meant an inevitable sweep by the Bulls. My Nets were never contenders, but I loved them.

Then a funny thing happened. They got GOOD. No one ever bought into the Starbury era in NJ and in fact my family was pretty turned off by him. I personally was still bitter about losing the Alien PG and knew we would never win with f'ing Stephon. I mean, his name was STEPHON.

(As an aside, I will apologize once, and just this once, for referring to the team as "we." I realize how silly it is. But it just happens. Inadvertently. Deal with it.)

And then JKidd was there. And everything was OK.
Around that time, my dad started working nights at a 2nd job, and my mom was left w/ evenings more or less to herself. She started watching this new look Nets team and fell in love w/ the run 'n' gun. She became obsessed to the point that she was pouring over the standings every day figuring out playoff odds. She became obsessed to the point that one night my dad came home and glanced at the TV, wondering who was winning. "The Sixers," my mom answered. My dad walked out of the room to hang up his coat. A minute later he walked back in. "Wait," he said. "The Nets aren't playing tonight."

"Ohhh by the way. I ordered League Pass."

I love my mom.

My mom would call me excitedly while I was up at school to ask if I had seen a particular game. She would call me from car rides home from games and tell me I should really come home so we could go to the Swamp together. I don't think I ever spoke to my mom the entire first 2 years of college even half as much as we spoke during the '02 playoffs. To this day we are way closer during b-ball season than during any other time of the year. She is no longer just a Nets fan but a full on NBA fan like me.

I'll admit I was a KVH apologist for a long time. While my mom and sister made signs for KMart, I brought signs to playoff games imploring him to take it hard to the basket for chrissakes. Yes I was a loser. But it was FUN. And the team has gotten BETTER since then.

I'm pumped for this season. 2 years ago I warned everyone to look out for Nenad. I still say look out for Nenad. The kid is only getting better. Balder yes, but better too. I have a thing for RJ. One of my favorite pictures is of my sister and me at opening night last year where I am wearing an "I Dream of RJ" shirt. Yes, I look hot in it. But I like what it represents as well. I think he has the potential to be an absolute superstar. Marcus Williams is going to give JKidd the chance to play less than 40 min a game. We no longer have to worry about them blowing leads when he gets to rest. I mean I miss Jacque Vaughn too, but...hey, I don't bring my laptop to games anyway. I'll be honest, I would feel a lot better w/ a starting PF who could, you know, score some points. But I'll throw my love behind Twin until he's gone. And then maybe still a little...you know, for the memories. Is Josh Boone the answer? Probably not. But I am REALLY looking forward to seeing how this season unfolds. I LOVE THIS GAME!!!

So of course it made perfect sense for me to write a Nets blog...right?

Wrong. After years of watching my boys play every chance that I could, fate dealt me a cruel hand: Dish Network. Those fucks have some sort of outstanding feud with the YES Network. Now don't get me started on Steinbrenner...the Yankees are another rant for another day, BELIEVE me. But come ON. I live in a 20+ story building, in downtown Brooklyn, where everyone is pretty much in the 25-35 year old age range, the Nets are MOVING to Brooklyn...and somehow the powers that be force Dish Network upon us? Really??? It was bad enough not to be able to watch the Yankees (again...another day) but my fucking Nets...I mean fuck.

Granted there is no need/demand for a Nets blog. The boys at Nets Daily do a terrific job every day, and I have been a longtime fan of Joe Nets Fan. But they are my boys, and I used to really enjoy watching them most evenings. I already suffered one season w/ no Nets, and it was not fun. Those blogs, plus the SC highlights got me through, not to mention the too few My 9 broadcasts. And I went to my fair share of games. But it was no piece of cake missing so many games. And I LOVE cake.

Not this year. I am vowing, VOWING to watch more games. Even if it means sitting alone in the bar with my books, this season will not pass me by. I believe it is a pivotal year for the Jersey Boys. So with the exception of finals (3rd year of law school is easy my ass) I'll be making my way to various establishments of ill repute to see how this season unfolds. I'll be heading to a bar right after my Commercial Arbitration class, providing I don't hang myself during it. And maybe in honor of Marcus's debut coinciding with my own in the blogosphere, I'll whip the laptop out and do a little liveblogging. It's not like I'll have anyone to talk to sitting alone at a bar in Brooklyn on a Wednesday anyway.

But anyway...hi. Welcome to my world.